A
female
age
36-40,
*y Name
writes:I am gay and my girlfriend says she is a bisexual - she says she ignored it for fear, don't accept it, even fell in love with her best friend once, but lied to herself -, but today we were talking about it, about her exes (all boys)and I said "I am sorry it wasn't your first choice", and she replied " it wasn't the first, but the best". What do I do? She is in love, we are in love, have lots of plans, but this really got me. She tried to fix it, but too late.
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female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (2 August 2013):
 Tried to fix what? What exactly is the problem?
Unless we marry the first person we're attracted to and live happily together for the rest of our lives, no one is anyone's first choice.
Think back and try to remember all the things that weren't your first choice. You overlooked them until one day you noticed it, or had to resort to it only to find it was better than anything you'd ever had.
You seem to have this very rigid notion that nothing and no one counts unless they came first.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (1 August 2013):
 as a gay female, i'm not sure at all what the problem is here. who cares if she's dated men? and why does it matter that it wasn't her "first choice?" most men and women don't realize their sexuality or embrace it until their early to mid twenties. sometimes even later. she was just in denial of her feelings. that's incredibly common. don't judge her or hold it against her for this. what matters is she obviously loves you and is happy. why on earth would you throw that away over this?
my current girlfriend has never been with a woman before. she's had lots of ex boyfriends. and even to this day, she says she has no clue if she's gay or bi. and i don't care to label her one way or the other. the way i see it, if we break up and she gets with a man, that's her business. but while she's with me and is committed to me and loves me, i know she is fully satisfied and is 100% about us. i trust her and know that she's happy every second we are together.
i think you should stop worrying so much over this. it's not that you're her second choice. you're looking at this all wrong. it was that she wasn't fully embracing her sexuality just yet.
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A
female
reader, theres_always_a_loophole +, writes (1 August 2013):
 Just because you weren't her first choice doesn't mean she would trade you in if her first choice were to become available. To me, her saying "it wasn't the first, but the best", means she feels you were the best choice regardless of what her first choice was. So while initially she may have wanted someone else more, after being with you she decided you were the best for her. She wants you the most NOW, and that's what is important. I advise you both to not talk about exes anymore. Leave them in the past. It will only cause unnecessary drama in your relationship.
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