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male
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anonymous
writes: my girlfreind is 18 and i am 20 we have been togeather a year and we live togeather,i love her to pieces and i know she loves me but she lies to me allot mainly about her phone, she gets paranoid that i am going to run off with an ex so i said well if i dnt txt exes then u dnt and we agreed to that. the problem is she is very secretive about her fone since weve been going out ive caught her texting exes she will then lie and pretend she hasnt she even deletes messages so i dnt see them from boys that are just her freinds and her excuse for this is that she doesnt want me to get angry and i explain to her time and time again that its the lying that makes me angry and the hiding things from me not what shes doing but she doesnt seem to take it in she just promisses not to do it again and then does.What shall i do ???its her birthday this saturday and shes going to work all day then out at night and she said she doesnt want me to come cos she thinks i will ruin it so im not gonna get to see her all day.i have also caught her flirting with ppl on the internet and she even once exchanged dirty pics with a guy but i forgave her for it.i dnt know what to do we argue about it all the time and she just cries and says she doesnt want to lose me???
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (6 July 2006):
 Dr Pete is spot on, I'm afraid.
You say that you love her, and "know" that she loves you, but your relationship is full of lies and secrets and arguments, and it's obvious even to me that she's seeing other guys.
I'm sorry to throw that in your face, but I think you're partly in denial about how serious this is. What I see is a relationship of convenience, where she doesn't even want to spend her birthday with you because it might spoil her flirting. That's selfish of her, but it's a roadsign you can't fail to miss.
This relationship is over. She's cheating emotionally, if not physically, and she's very careless with your feelings. She's not promising to change her ways, or showing any signs of remorse for what she's doing, over and over again.
Please see this from the point of view of an outsider, and dump this woman, because she's already dumped you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2006): Why are you with this girl if she is doing all these things to make you unhappy?
Please don't throw around the word "love" - i doubt you know the meaning of it.
If you are with someone and they are lying to you and taking a sexual interest in other people this should be a clear sign that sooner or later, her "mistakes" are going to get a lot worse. Will you forgive her if she sleeps with someone else too?
You can either put up with the lies, distrust, insecurity, and arguments or you can end the relationship and find someone more suitable and dedicated to you.
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