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male
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*P
writes: I am not sure what to do! I am real sad! My girlfriend told me that she can NEVER trust me and therefore broke up with me. She keeps accusing me of having cheated on her, but I NEVER did! She knew when we met that I have a very friendly personality, I am also told that that I am golable when it comes to girls!My girlfriend went through my emails and noticed that I was conversing with girls that were my friends, and I guess some of them wanted more, but I did not! My girlfriend got very jealous and since then we have been having a lot of break ups! I was going to marry this girl! I have told her that have never cheated on her, that I am willing to take a lie detector test, or give her the email addresses or phone numbers of those girls so she can talk to them and find out for herself! No matter what I say she does not believe me! I don't know how to prove it to her! I even suggested to see a counsoler but she won't! She says she feels it in her gut! Can you help me?! I am willing to do anything to prove it to her! I am not guilty...she cries over this but still says that she can never again trust me?! Can you please help me?! I do trust her! I am around 10 years older than her....she is 22! Also, it seems like there is a double standard where she can talk to her guy friends, but I cannot talk to any girls and I have not for 6 months now! Can you please help me? I am really hurt!
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (26 July 2005):
 Your girl is blaming you for her insecurity. This is really common - especially with young women! - but that doesn't make it right. And that doesn't make it something that's worth your effort in dealing with.
I tend to agree with some of the answers below: this woman is determined that you're going to carry the blame for whatever has happened to her in her past. And that means that you're going to spend all of your time for the next X years reassuring her of your love, defending yourself against false accusations, "proving" your love to her, and begging forgiveness for transgressions that you never committed.
Now, that just sounds exhausting!
Frankly, you'd have to be desperate for affection to waste your time on such a woman. After all, mate, she's already told you that she'll "never" trust you. (Oh, great, just what you need to know.) You hurt now, I know, but if you print out your letter and read it six months from now, when you're with someone who really loves and trusts you, I promise what you'll feel is relief.
Stick around with this one and you'll be in for more of the same, over and over again, forever and ever, amen.
My suggestion is to tell this woman that you're very sorry that she doesn't believe the truth about you, but since she doesn't, she might as well go and find someone she *can* "trust". Meanwhile, you, my friend, should be talking with some of those other girls on email. You know, the ones who might have been interested in seeing more of you, back before you trod on this steaming pile of... er, girlfriend.
Be strong. You'll get over her, and I bet you'll be surprised how fast.
A
reader, becky05 +, writes (26 July 2005):
If your girlfriend feels she can never trust you again, then ask her why she is still in the relationship.
I agree she must have been shocked and upset to find emails from female friends but she is taking things too far and making your life a misery in the process.
Reassure her that you would never cheat but if she doesnt accept this then there is no future for your relationship.,
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A
male
reader, namless_lover +, writes (26 July 2005):
Tell her plain and simple that you wouldn't trade what you have with her for all the "one night stands in the world", but you have to make her believe you love her and only her. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, luvyoualways +, writes (26 July 2005):
Trust is what makes the relationship go smoothly. Time will heal this problem. Show her nothing but unconditional love. Call her twice a day to tell her that she's beautiful and how much she means to you. She needs to feel safe in your boundaries and she needs reassurance to know that no one else will be stepping in those boundaries. If she read the email about your female friends, show her the reply of letting them know, you did not have the same feelings or intentions of being with them. That's the only way I think she'll feel safer. She needs reassurance, after reassurance. Good luck, and I think if you stick with it....love will find a way
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A
female
reader, dr_love +, writes (26 July 2005):
Your girlfriend is very insecure. That's all there is to it. If in fact you haven't cheated. Would you want to spend the rest of your life under a microscope? If not, run from her as fast as your legs will run.
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