A
female
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kat14
writes:I know theres not alot anyone can do. But i used to have a big group of mates we used to all be close and do stuff together. Now i get left out n i dont seem to be as close with them, they organise stuff and im never invited. I still hang around with them at school but thats it now. I get really lonely especially in the holidays i dont seem to have any mates. Without my bf i'd have no1. My mum doesnt help and often comments on me having no mates.Its really starting to get me down and i often find myself crying about it. As i dont have many mates i dont get out much and dont really have the oppitunity to meet new people much. When i do i tend to be a bit shy. What can i do, is there something wrong with me???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007): people are jealous of you. you have a high opinion of yourself and thats what counts! if you were ugly and boring then would you have a boyfriend? i think not. you just need to believe in yourself otherwise people will sense you have no confidence and won't want to be around you.and about this 'mate' of yours that seems to get pleasure from telling you are ugly. she has no self confidence really and is using you to big herself up. this is NOT how a mate should behave. if she was your mate she would try and big you up. talk to her and ask her why she's doing this. tell her it's hurting you and unless she stops your going to ditch her as a mate. chances are she'll come crawling back to you to make up long before she does. you cant complain about this problem without doing something about it, be strong and don't use shyness as an excuse not to confront her. she needs to be told. telling her to stop it can give her a chance to prove herself, so then she has a choice. if she chooses to ignore what you say then you need to keep your word and distance yourself from her. it may be hard but do you need a mate like this? there are other people out there who you can just as easily become friends with other people - and she NEEDS to know this. think about what you are going to say to her. and ask her this - how long would she put up with it if you treated her like she treats you?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007): Wow! I'm almost exactly the same! My mum has loads of friends too, so when she asks why I haven't got many mates it's so embarrassing! But, I do have a circle of close friends and I hold onto them. That's what you should be trying to do to. Are you wallowing about in self-pity trying to make people sympathize with you, because that has the opposite affect usually. People can sense that you want sympathy and it annoys them. Stick with your mates if you're too shy to go about on your own, but make sure on the odd occasion you walk around on your own with your head held high and a smile on your face. This will make you seem like a positive, friendly and approachable person. Hopefully, it will mean that instead of you having to go up to people to make new friends, they will come up to you and you can make friends!If this doesn't work, then you could always pop into the canteen on your own once in a while to see if anybody is sitting alone in there, or maybe two people sat together. Grab some lunch and pop over to them and ask if you could sit there because you 'don't want to be on your bill'! This should make you seem friendly and confident (even if you're not) so it always works! Get chatting and make them laugh! You should be mates in no time!I understand you're shy, but would you rather be on your own, or get out there and DO something about it? It's your choice.
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A
male
reader, Abacadaba +, writes (27 August 2007):
 Nothing is wrong with you for a start. If you feel they are leaving you out, ask them what they are up too, or organise something yourself and invite them. People can sometimes do it without totaly realising, or without realising it will affect the person in a bad way. If they continue to leave you out, then i suggest finding a new set of friends, its hard but friends come and go, some stay forever, most of the time they dont. Just try and get yourself involved with them, if they still leave you out, get some new friends. You never know once they see you hanging out with other people they might wonder why your not with them and get in touch. Good luck, and dont let it get you down.
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A
female
reader, 0x_beautifulGurl_0x  +, writes (27 August 2007):
well what you need to do is when your at school hanging around with all of them ask them about you like ask them if their mad at you about something tell them how you feel and if they end up not talking to you just go meet new people, you dont need them they arent real friends if they end up not speaking to you again just try not to be shy and meet someone new try to stand out more thats how you get new friends...But if they do talk to you and yall start hanging out more thats good just tell them how u feel ask them why they arent ever hanging out with anymore..and its always good to meet new ppl 2..and just go from there....Goodluck
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