A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm in the process of ending a long-term, long-distance relationship. It evolved from friendship to bed buddies back to good friends. It's hard! I fell in love, wanted more and he did not. I am trying to end all communication with him but it's extremely difficult, because everytime I feel I've made progress in getting over him, he texts or calls me! Grrr!! it's frustrating, and I believe it's manipulative. He never rings to insult or belittle me, or to talk about other women he's met. It's always a kind and friendly phonecall, but I feel I cannot continue to communicate with him because it brings me down that he could never love me as much as I grew to love him. Is it me? Am in so immature as to not recognize what a great friend he could be? Or should I leave the country and start someplace new?
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female
reader, Ninna  +, writes (5 September 2007):
It is extremely hard. But like anything, it will make you stronger. I now this sounds shocking but the really only way you will get over him is to meet someone new. You won't know till you try. It really helps I and a lot of people will vouch for this. As for him communicating with you, be strong and tell him to leave you alone or say you're seeing someone and don't need him hanging around. Be tough and be mean. I know it sounds horrible but you need to act this way (even though you seem like a nice person) you have to do it and believe it. You really don't need him in your life especially if he makes you feel this way. You have you and I'm sure a lot of other friends. Then do something wild. Like sky diving or something you won't do or have no guts to do. Conquer that fear and you will feel great about yourself. Then give yourself a make over, or a spa therapy to make you feel like a million dollars. Then go out with your friend and turn some heads around. No need to leave the country.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): I honestly don't believe a friendship where one person feels more (romantically) than the other can ever truly work. As you said, it's too hard! You won't be happy for him when he meets a girl, when he proposes, when he marries and has kids etc.. all of those are milestones that are important to be able to celebrate and be there for as a friend. While you feel for him romantically, it will be a constant painful experience for you.Having said that, nothing is black and white. You don't necessarily have to end the friendship - you can always cease contact until that all fades (e.g. when you meet someone that takes that place in your life)and then resume your friendship later... except that when you do, it'll be a more 'real', solid and easy friendship.Whatever you decide, be honest with him - if you have to cease contact with him, explain why - that you're wanting to come back to him as a true friend and you just can't be that with the way you feel at the moment. That way, he doesn't end up feeling hurt and rejected at losing you.Good luck!
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