A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I started dating a guy who is almost forty years old. He's never been married and in his entire life he has had only two long term relationships, each of which lasted about two years. I wouldn't have thought anything of this, but a friend of mine keeps warning me that something is wrong with this guy, but she's basing it on the fact that he's almost forty and never been married and hasn't had very many long term relationships, and the two he's had are too short. But now it's getting to me and making me worried. But she won't explain why this is bad, she just says that something's wrong with him. And I just started dating him, and he seems fine so far. So I'm not sure why this could be bad... I mean I'm still giving it a shot, but I wonder if I should watch out for anything?Any input from either side of this situation would be greatly appreciated! Thank you! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Philosophyzer +, writes (28 June 2010):
 It's important to get to know him and consider what sort of person he may be. To some people, being in a million relationships is just not that important and they would rather spend their time on a career or on other hobbies and interests. Is he a career man? Does he seem like a skilled individual? Perhaps, he isn't as concerned with filling his date card as he is with bettering himself, which I would think is great! We are trained to believe we need to date lots of people to function and feel happy. Luckily, some people escape this tortuous brain washing and live lives full of interesting experiences that didn't require the aid of someone else's hugs or kisses.I think your friend is simply implying that he must be flawed in some sense. Maybe he is horrible in bed or snores obnoxiously. Maybe he has some utterly horrible habit that repulses people. Maybe he listens to polka music and dances naked. Or maybe not. Who knows? Your friend is just assuming the worst, honestly, and might even be jealous. Girls like to be rude like that. My bottom line advice: Take your time, get to know him, forget your friend's chitter chatter, and always be safe. Take it slow and let the relationship unfold. Chances are he just has had other things to do or maybe was just waiting for someone genuinely interesting to come along. Maybe that girl is you. ;-) Best of luck!
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (27 June 2010):
Well, I wouldn't turn this into a thriller mystery. But yes, the fact he's only been in two "too short" (define that for me please) relationships at his age seems a bit strange. That said, I don't know his history. Some guys just have busy lives, packed with their job, hobbies and whatnot. With the current emphasis on relationships, for a lot of people it's almost impossible imagining life without that. I'm 22 and though I am a lot younger than your guy I never had anything serious going on and I never really felt the need to until people around me started brainwashing me into thinking something was wrong with me. Do you get what I'm saying? I never felt something was wrong with me but because everyone else thought otherwise, I started doubting. If he's nice and he loves you and you love him, who gives a damn about what your friend or any other person may think? As for watching out: you always need to pay attention to people. I don't care if he's the average joe or mister special. When I read what "normal" guys and girls get away with I can't help but stop and wonder if their partners put their brain in offline-mode. Be smart, not paranoid.
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