A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice about this, because it's driving me nuts.I'm in a long distance relationship with a girl that I met about a year ago. Because we live far away from eachother, the only ways to communicate is by phone, text, msn (+webcam). We used to do that a lot in the beginning. We used many sweet words towards each other, we used to talk about how much we would cuddle, hug and kiss each other when we're together. We used to talk on msn for hours a day, without any delay. We only had eyes for each other, and conversations went smoothly on msn, and we would text each other a lot each day. After about half a year, she was the first one to say "I love you", which I started using aswell since then.After meeting up a few times, this behavior stopped, and it got really bad the past few weeks. Not from my side. I still use the sweet words, tell her I love her, text her, stuff like that. She rarely says "I love you" now, and if she does, it's always a reply (after I say it first). She doesn't say she misses me, she never texts or calls anymore. We do still talk on msn, but conversations are slow. Sometimes I have wait 5 minutes for a reply, and then it's only a few words per sentence. She doesn't put much effort into keeping the conversation going.When I ask her about it (I did that about a week ago), she said that we simply express our feelings for each other in a different way. However, this wasn't the case before. She said she would pay more attention to it, if it makes me happy, but so far, it didn't change much.When I ask her about her feelings towards me, she said they are the same, that she still loves me a lot, that she misses me a lot, but she simply doesn't express it as much. (although she used to do that before)Not being able to be with her because of the long distance is also killing me. When we're together, everything is fine.I've been thinking of some possibilities... I'm either going paranoid, and I'm asking too much of her. I'm either more attached to her than she is to me. Or she believes our relationship is so solid now, it doesn't need much of all this.I miss the way we used to be. Why did he behavior change? What's going on?[Mod note: A small spelling point, "each other" is two words, not one. Well punctuated post though, thank you!]
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2010): i must add to my answer i sent a while ago about my situation been like yours i was reading again what you said and you say she dont text you anymore the only different thing is my man still texts me and always has kept to that part since he met me over a year ago and has kept speaking on msn every night but i tried speaking to him on the phone for a change to msn and with me not been a great talker and him not been a great talker it went silent a few times and i was waffeling on about a load of rubbish really just to keep the conversation going but like you when we are together we are great and talk for england anyway like i said hope you get some good advice off the agony aunts th only advice i can give you is HANG ON I THERE...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2010): you poor man my situation is the same as yours and i often wonder if my man feels the way i do about him so i am gonna wait for the answers you get and hopefully be able to help me out too i love my man so so much and know what you are going through only yours is with your girl you said all is quiet on msn when you talk usually a good five min before a answer i have that too so now what we do on msn is watch the same programmes on tv together and can talk about what is happening on tv to how we talk when we are watchin tv together all snugged up on his sofa when i see him when we do this feels he his with me in the room and then once msn is off not there anymore till next night i am glad in a way you have wrote in asking for advice cause it just sounds like my situation as well hold in there i am sure this girl loves you very very much like my man does me but what we need is reasuring well thats what i feel i need maybe she is thinking i love this man and miss him and i am going to have a future with him she might not feel she has to tell you this cause she already knows but i am thinking you would like her just to say it to you to reasure you all is well cause long dist rel are not easy but hold in there i am sure all will be well and hope you get some good advice off the agony aunts GOOD LUCK....and thanks for helping me with what you have wrote and to what she said your girl that you both express your feelings differents ways that made me think maybe my man does that too he shows me affection but saying it is a no no he has told me he loves me in a text but never too my face and i just hope one day that day will come when he does tell me face to face caiuse when i got the text when i was on my way home from seeing him saying he loved me i was numb all the way home was lovely to see....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2010): Perhaps she's being pressured by her family/friends that your relationship isn't good? That would make her conflicted. She still loves you, but her family and friends are telling her that the relationship isn't a good one. Ask her to be honest with you, and tell her you think something is wrong but you want to help her. It might take her awhile, but perhaps she'll tell you what's really on her mind.
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