A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My gf is in trouble and she won't do anything about it as she's scared of her fiance.My gf has been with her fiance for approx 2 years now and ever since their relationship began, my gf has openly admitted to me that he's been abusing her verbally in private, he's denied her the right to use her own mobile ph, he's tried to turn her against her own family and he has yelled at her whilst in my presence and i couldn't believe what i was witnessing.I did step in and tell him not to yell at her and what right did he think he had in doing so, but he told me that he was talking to his fiancee and that it was not my business to interfere.The issue, as i see it is that my gf doesn't stand up to her fiance, so he continues to get away with murder.I have told my gf that she should not marry this guy and that he doesn't treat her with any respect, but she continually tells me that she loves him and that he's ok most times and that she can't just give up on him.The other issue is that my gf is only 33 and he's 53.I really need some advice here.Thanks in advance!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 November 2017):
 I can understand why you are worried about your friend, if it was me I would be worried also. But you also need to realize that he is not holding her prisoner and she needs to be the one to decide he cannot treat her like this any more and leave him. It is clear he is controlling and abusive, but she stays with him so really it is her choice. As hard as it is for you to witness the only thing you can do is be a friend to her and try and offer your advice when she asks. Reassure her you are always there for her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2017): You can't intervene because your girlfriend is and enabler and she submits to his abuse. As you've seen, no matter what you say or do, she remains under his control. She has low self-esteem and he has found a way to use it against her and to maintain a powerful hold over her.
You can only offer her support; you cannot run her relationship. It's up to her to remove herself; but she only vents her troubles. She's not asking for help.
I have placed myself in the middle of actual domestic-violence trying to protect my lady-friends who got themselves into a mess. I will no longer do that. I will not place myself in danger out of futile concern; for someone who sees the problem, and will not act on their own behalf to save themselves. Only to go right back to the same situation.
Now I'll tell them to call the police, or I will! I had to let go of a couple of women I cared for; who repeatedly coupled with very mean and controlling men. I don't need to put myself through that anymore. They have to learn the hard way. They took advantage of my protection, but they stayed with their assailants. They are no longer my problem. Yes, they still call me; but we are no longer friends.
You can be support. She has to save herself. If it continues in spite of all your attempts and efforts to save her. Step-away.
Nothing is more stubborn than a woman who insists she loves a man regardless of the type of man he is. You are placing yourself in imminent danger by confronting him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2017): Hey actually i can help a lil bit because i just left an abusive relationship and thats how it started he wouldnt let me use my phone he broke my phone and wouldnt let me buy a new one he would also say things that woul hurt me or say things to make me cry as her friend u should just keep talking to her maybe take her out to lunch or even cook her something at your house for just yall 2 and let her know her worth tell her she better than him and shes to pretty to settle for him we nee more friends like u trust me with a friend like you she will realize real soon where she measing up at good luck ????
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