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My friend is perfect for me, but she's afraid a relationship might end our friendship!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 March 2008) 3 Answers - (Newest, 4 March 2008)
A male United States age 30-35, *rion writes:

How realistic does this sound? A girl likes you but is scared to like you. She is afraid that because you are such good friends that a relationship could lead to a loss in your closeness if a break up occured. This is kind of the situation im in and wanted to know what my chances are of ever having a realtionship with this girl. I like her and want to date her so bad she is the best girl i have ever met but im not sure if it will ever happen :(

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008):

It's all about how worth the risk you think it is - I won't lie, if you do try it and it doesn't work out, you very well may lose one of the best friends in your life, forever. And I can't even begin to describe that kind of pain, it's happened to me before... that being said, though, I did survive, and I do believe in the saying when it comes to love, that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Then again, if you don't see what happens, you could end up regretting it, she could find someone she loves and you could lose your chance at it...

Bottom line, you really need to think: is it really love, or am I just lusting and excited at the possibility of these new experiences with her? Could you see yourself with her, marrying her? Or, flip side - could you see yourself without her in your life, with her never speaking to you again?

Just look deep down within yourself and you'll find the answer, and she should do the same. If she really doesn't want to risk it, you have to respect that and realize that maybe because she isn't ready or willing to try, maybe it just shouldn't happen after all and you should just keep it platonic.

Good luck, take risks only when you've thought through the consequences, both good and bad!

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A female reader, jaq Ireland +, writes (4 March 2008):

jaq agony auntim going out with my friend 3yrs now. being friends before hand is a good basis for a relationship there is a risk that it could not work could end badly or good, if it feels right its a risk worth taking

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008):

This is a really normal feeling for her to feel honey. She obviously likes you an awful lot and values your friendship so much, that she doesnt wanna take a risk and lose it. It sounds like you really like her, so my advice would be ask her out - but before she has a chance to answer, give her a promise that if you guys broke up, then you could still be friends. This should be all the reassurance she needs, but keep letting her know that you love her and will always be there for her, even if you brake up. Good luck :]

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