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My friend copies all my clothes!

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Question - (21 December 2010) 10 Answers - (Newest, 23 December 2010)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hi~

So my friend just copies everything

from hollister I own. I had a blue striped

hollister shirt, and she said exactly in my face

"Oh I like that shirt, I'm gonna buy it."

I didn't want her to copy it becasue I liked it a lot so I said "No, don't copy me." and I kept talking but she kept making stupid ass excuses like "But I like it!" or "We'll be twins!!!!!!!!!" I don't f***ing care if you like it, get your own clothes? She also got my navy hollister sweatpants, when we were even going shopping together... And now, I just bought this on sunday, but she was going to go tot he mall and see if they had any more of the hollister jacket I had gotten. She also goes shopping a lot, while I rarely go. Also ever since last year (6th grade)she's been ditching me and my friend's for the popular crowd. I don't mind the popular crowd, they're nice to me, but ditching your friends..?

__

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A female reader, celtic_tiger United Kingdom +, writes (23 December 2010):

celtic_tiger agony auntHave you considered that this girl might have seen someone else with the same top and liked it? You are not the only one with this item.

"She should be able to shop at hollister, but not get the same exact thing when you've told her you didn't want her to. "

Would you say this about all your friends, or just this one girl? Would you be happy that your best friend wanted the same top as you? Or would you also tell them off for buying the same item?

Life is about sharing and going with the flow. If you want unique items then you have to pay for them, and not always buy from the trendy mass market stores. That is what they are designed for, the mass market.

Modern disposable fashion is all about everyone wanting THAT dress, THAT top, THOSE shoes. That is the nature of fashion and why certain clothes retailers have queues round the block when they have the new collections in. Everything has to be "now" "in" and "current" - essentially everyone wants to look the same.

If you dont want to look like everyone else, then dont shop in mass market shops! Simple. Sadly, YOU are the one who will have to look elsewhere - you cant force people to change the way they shop for you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010):

I know how you feel. I have an enemy who's trying to copy my life. I pity her for not being happy with who she is.

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A female reader, dmartin89 United Kingdom +, writes (22 December 2010):

dmartin89 agony auntIts simple..

If you dont want people wearing the same clothes as you, dont shop at popular chain stores where its obvious where you bought your clothes.

Or

Wear clothes other people wont want to wear.

Or

Make your own clothes.

Stop whining at being able to shop at expensive stores, count yourself lucky you can have the clothes you want.

And this other girl you are complaining about? You can't decide where she shops, but you can decide not to make a big deal out of it.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (22 December 2010):

chigirl agony auntSomeone "copying" your style is not an offense dear you. Thats where I think you got it wrong. It's a complement. You're not supposed to get angry at her for it, you're supposed to say "oh you like it? I got it from (insert place), it cost that much, it's really cute right?" And then if the person ends up buying the same jacket you are to be proud that YOU were the one who started that trend.

Perhaps it's a culture difference though, in my country if people want to know where I bought my clothes I get a huge self esteem boost because I know they like my clothes, as well as feeling great about having good taste, and I'd love to share with others where I bought it. So I do not understand why you take this so negatively. Friends aren't supposed to copy friends? Often they do, but it's typically viewed as a complement....

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (22 December 2010):

chigirl agony auntSomeone "copying" your style is not an offense dear you. Thats where I think you got it wrong. It's a complement. You're not supposed to get angry at her for it, you're supposed to say "oh you like it? I got it from (insert place), it cost that much, it's really cute right?" And then if the person ends up buying the same jacket you are to be proud that YOU were the one who started that trend.

Perhaps it's a culture difference though, in my country if people want to know where I bought my clothes I get a huge self esteem boost because I know they like my clothes, as well as feeling great about having good taste, and I'd love to share with others where I bought it. So I do not understand why you take this so negatively. Friends aren't supposed to copy friends? Often they do, but it's typically viewed as a complement....

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

This has also happened to me before. I have tried what people below are saying but the girl will awlays say "where'd you get that?!" and even if try to ignore her she'll find a way to see the tag on it, etc. Like they ay below, you can't control what people wear, but your friend still shouldn't copy the same exact thing you got. She should be able to shop at hollister, but not get the same exact thing when you've told her you didn't want her to. I would just try to stay away from her, but not make it too obvious, or try to shop at places that she doesn't know(and hopefully never will.) like online stores from your country, I don't think she would be able to find it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010):

Copy or no copy, sounds like you have alot of resentment towards her. Perhaps she is kind of clueless and immature.

Frankly I would resent that too if I had a friend who copied everything I wear. It is annoying. And then ditches her friends. She might just be pretty self centered and just clueless.

How good a friend is she? Think about the pro's and con's. Put these little nuisances aside and think about what really matters. Sometimes friends drift a little or want to make time for other friends, this happens and it isn't necessarily a bad thing. For the most part, is she there for you when you need her? Is she nice to you? Does she stand up for you? Is she someone you can talk to? You know for the most part is she someone you can rely on? When push comes to shove, does she care about you?

If she is overall a good friend perhaps this is something you should overlook and be more tolerant about. Maybe even talk to her about it in a NICE or even joking way. If she is a good friend and she copies your clothes then maybe you can try to look at it from a different perspective. She thinks you are COOL! She loves how you dress! Take it as a compliment.

If, however, she is not that good of a friend and to top it off she annoys the hell out of you then maybe you should consider distancing yourself from her and that way putting more focus on the friends who do deserve your attention.

But really think about it. It would be a shame to end a friendship on something that can easily be resolved or at least looked at differently and therefore overlooked. It is up to you.

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A female reader, celtic_tiger United Kingdom +, writes (22 December 2010):

celtic_tiger agony auntI think the problem is, you are shopping at a well know branded store. Sadly, you cant tell people what they can and cant wear.

Of course people are going to want to buy the same item of clothing. There will be thousands, if not millions of people who have exactly the same jumper, trousers, dress etc etc etc. Its a fact of life!

If you dont like the fact others will be dressing in the same thing as you, then shop at less well known places (this means not always being 'trendy' and having brand names splashed over you).

Personally, I always steer well clear of anything branded - it instantly puts you in a position where many people will have the same thing. Try shopping in other places and developing your own unique style, which will make it very difficult to copy. People will then ask "ohh where did you get that".... because they are all used to the same boring mass market clothing.

I know you are a teenager, and Hollister is "cooler than cool" and everything you wear has to be branded, but what is wrong with being a little bit more independant? Are you a lemming?

:) Try finding your own style! You might set new trends, rather than following them!

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (22 December 2010):

chigirl agony auntYou can't control what other people will wear!! Several more than your friend buys the exact same clothes as you and wear them everyday, if they didn't the stores would go bankrupt.

I suggest if you really need to have something that only you have that you go buy your clothes other places, like second hand stores, they usually have only one of each thing. Or add little details yourself with the help of a needle and thread or use other techniques to make your clothes unique.

In either case, two people can wear the exact same dress, but one can still look fabulous and the other not.. it's not about the clothes. It's about the person who wears them. The same outfit will look different on a person with a different body type, plus the accessories you chose to match it with will be different.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010):

Ok, well i understand you get annoyed but you really cannot stop her from buying anything, theres probably alot of other people who have got the same, but she should respect your opinion, but if she had a piece of clothing that you really loved would you go out and buy it?would you ask to borrow it?if the answer is yes then that would be like copying her to? im not defending her i'm just saying that everyones free to buy what they like?, but if it bothers you that much, sit down with her and explain to her why it bothers you so much, and as for ditching you for the poular crowd, thats not cool at all, even if they are nice to you, she still shouldnt ditch her friends, so confront her about it, say if she wants to go with them then she can but your not gunna wait around for her to come back or be there like a real friend should, she needs to realise that you have been there for her,and you have been her friend unlike the popular crowd shes ditching you for, hope that helped xo

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