A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunts and Uncles. Would love to hear your feedback and insights on this one. I have been employed at this company for more than a year now. I was instrumental in launching a major product and major partnership last year thereby generating the first ever source of revenue for this organization. I was given this project by the CEO of the company to work on. There was also another senior who joined this project later as my reporting senior. She took an instant dislike to me and tried throwing me out of the project, but couldn't get her way. She later realized that my skills sets were pretty comprehensive and began depending on me big time (She of course went out of her way to be nice). Before a crucial project, she took a 10 day long vacation with her family making me shoulder the entire project- which I did. The launch went well. Post this launch, she got back to her old form - she called me a B-Grade candidate and kept on remarking how everyone was replaceable. She suddenly became overtly controlling and simultaneously began reducing my scope of work- The earlier project was a major one. I was reduced to actually doing menial tasks - I was working like her personal assistant- doing nothing beyond setting up meeting, fixing appointment, writing out mails which were spelt out by her. Several times I had discussions with her about my scope limitations and about why she wasn't deploying me on bigger projects. I was told that I couldn't be trusted even with smaller menial tasks. In a private meeting at office with her I was labelled the most incompetent worker. She also forcefully tried grabbing my chair handle in the same meeting (1 on 1 no witness). I have motion sickness and despite me telling her this - she would repeatedly make me work inside a moving vehicle when we travelled to a client location. I tried speaking to HR person several times simply seeking intervention for role clarity without indulging in telling tales about this lady, but HR seems very conflict averse ( dont know what's the right word to use here - apolitical ? diplomatic?). At one point I was being grilled / reviewed on a daily basis (again this review happened inside a closed cabin with no witness).I also observed her trying to review me on work that she had either never delegated me before or had delegated to other employees. I was blamed for absence of memory and not observing things well enough. I was told I needed to be micromanaged and that no other employee in her team was as incompetent including the junior most staff. The lady magnanimously remarked one day that she wanted my employment experience at this company to be positive. I am pretty well qualified and have credible work ex. I am also a meritocratic candidate unlike her- who has been employed in this organization at the behest of her husband- another senior worker in a group company. Most of her team members have infact been handpicked by him and transferred from the organization where he works. At year end, when i could finally stand it no more, I went and requested the CEO to streamline my role and reporting - he changed my reporting with 24 hours to another senior who is much better. Problem is this - uncles and aunt- I like my senior and CEO much better than I liked my ex-senior, but mentally I am slightly exhausted after all the fiasco that happened last year. Though I managed to change my senior reporting senior this lady got away impacting my appraisal at year end- she barely gave any feedback and gave a lower rating (fortunately not too low since that would be conspicuous). HR once again tried running away when I appealed about the low rating. This also is a very small outfit- 150 members max- and considering word spreads badly, I decided to keep this issue pretty closed- While I like my new senior and we bond pretty well, I dont trust him enough to confide about all this to him ( He actually asked me why was i given a slightly low rating and suspects that something is amiss). Also I am in two minds now- On one hand I am mentally famished - I worked my ass off to be discredited quietly- to this extent I feel like quitting even today since I have no energy left in me to work everyday- I know I need to move on but it was 3-4 months of ill-treatment( most of which happened on 1-on-1 without any evidence- I knew this woman was temperamental but never foresaw so much shit coming my way- that too from a much older married mother of 3 - a profile i can otherwise presume to be equipped with much maturity) after 8-9 months of mule's work - I gave my very best to the job, infact i was quite proactive and find myself getting pulled down due to frequent flashbacks. The lady for her part keeps making really rude comments and jibes in open office and I cant be rude to her since the office has an open office setup and has closed traditional views on how seniors and juniors should interact with one another. I feel obligated to some extent to the CEO and my reporting senior to an extent since the CEO helped change my reporting and my current senior values my inputs. Not sure If i should quit this job and move to better pastures or rejuvenate myself- learn how to put these things behind me and stay in ? Would love your inputs aunts and uncles?
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (29 October 2020):
 I have to agree with WiseOwlE
You have handled this fine! Great in fact. However, ONE thing I would consider if I were you.... is to be honest with your new boss. When he asked about your performance review you should have mentioned that you request a transfer because Mrs. X made work for her a nightmare, but that you wouldn't let that affect your performance so you asked to be transferred and you were. Which might be why Mrs. X has given you such a low rating.
She is taunting you hoping to either break your spirit or have others join in. So far she has NOTICED that when she acts like that she gets a reaction from you. So NOT reacting like her opinion or behavior UPSETS you is key.
Learn do "the look" (The are you kidding look) if your past boss - Mrs. X makes rude remarks. So that SHE can see your face but others can't if possible... Or simply do "the headshake and eyeroll", like an adult would to a child behaving like a brat.
I would give your new boss a chance to see and report JUST how good you are before looking for greener grass. Your HR sucks. They are letting this woman create a hostile environment and SHE knows she can get away with it. So you know you can't rely on them to make her behave with civility. Which is why YOU have to show everyone that YOU know how to be professional and civil.
Personally? It all depends how bad this lady is day to day. If it doesn't slow down or stop (her antagonizing behavior) then yes, I would (AFTER your new boss has done your appraisal) perhaps see what else is out there on the job market.
I would NOT give a single crap about her "winning" if you leave. Because she doesn't really win. She ALIENATED a great asset for the company. And that is a loss in my book. However, you might find yourself with another boss like this elsewhere. Just remember, there are no guarantee that the grass will be greener in another company.
So far you have done great, don't let her behavior dictate where and how you should work. You KNOW your work is good. She knows. She just can't handle a younger and more talented coworker. Which for the most part is HER problem, don't LET it be yours.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (29 October 2020):
I have to agree with WiseOwlE
You have handled this fine! Great in fact. However, ONE thing I would consider if I were you.... is to be honest with your new boss. When he asked about your performance review you should have mentioned that you request a transfer because Mrs. X made work for her a nightmare, but that you wouldn't let that affect your performance so you asked to be transferred and you were. Which might be why Mrs. X has given you such a low rating.
She is taunting you hoping to either break your spirit or have others join in. So far she has NOTICED that when she acts like that she gets a reaction from you. So NOT reacting like her opinion or behavior UPSETS you is key.
Learn do "the look" (The are you kidding look) if your past boss - Mrs. X makes rude remarks. So that SHE can see your face but others can't if possible... Or simply do "the headshake and eyeroll", like an adult would to a child behaving like a brat.
I would give your new boss a chance to see and report JUST how good you are before looking for greener grass. Your HR sucks. They are letting this woman create a hostile environment and SHE knows she can get away with it. So you know you can't rely on them to make her behave with civility. Which is why YOU have to show everyone that YOU know how to be professional and civil.
Personally? It all depends how bad this lady is day to day. If it doesn't slow down or stop (her antagonizing behavior) then yes, I would (AFTER your new boss has done your appraisal) perhaps see what else is out there on the job market.
I would NOT give a single crap about her "winning" if you leave. Because she doesn't really win. She ALIENATED a great asset for the company. And that is a loss in my book. However, you might find yourself with another boss like this elsewhere. Just remember, there are no guarantee that the grass will be greener in another company.
So far you have done great, don't let her behavior dictate where and how you should work. You KNOW your work is good. She knows. She just can't handle a younger and more talented coworker. Which for the most part is HER problem, don't LET it be yours.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2020): I know this won't make you feel any better; but no matter where you'll work in a lifetime, you will encounter people like that woman. You may not see it this way; but she gave you an edge. You survived her, in spite of every effort to discourage and berate you.
You are young and talented; that works both to your advantage, and disadvantage. Youth and self-confidence gives you resilience; and yes, such experiences are exhausting and quite exasperating. They are also a life-lesson that will provide you with survival-skills and experience. You can indeed swim with the sharks!
You have to learn to work with all types. You'll acquire the skills to lead others; but you need to earn your mettle. On your road to success, you have to earn a few battle-scars. People who envy you or feel threatened by you will throw obstacles in your path; and try to slow your ascent, and delay your success. You must push on! It's all strictly business, try to keep your emotions guarded; but don't take any of it personally. Report outright abuse! You made her feel inept and old. You came along and exposed all her skill deficiencies! She had to take the wind out of your sails; because nobody likes to be out-shown and blown-away by some young-upstart!
Not everyone is rooting for your success in this dog-eat-dog world. You will always encounter the jealous and insecure taskmaster who abuses their power and authority. Oh, they will put you through your paces! They'll try to make you look incompetent, purposely provoke you to tag you with insubordination, attempt to sabotage your progress, and underrate your job-performance.
Yet, you persevered and survived it all! She didn't, and couldn't scare you off! Moving to another area was the right decision. Leaving altogether would have meant she won!
You ended-up moving-on to work with a better senior head. Who has now discovered your potential; which thereby exposed something amiss with the other senior. When reviewing your performance-reviews for promotion; the powers-that-be will see the significant discrepancies in the previous ratings on your performance. It will bring her behavior and competency as a senior head into question; and possibly under investigation. If not that, they'll be forced to protect her; but that also makes her a liability. It may be a pattern, and the reason they'll lose, or have lost, good-talent. The bottomline nevers allows for that, if you are the cause money and good-talent is lost; the writing is on the wall!
Someday, you might become her boss; maybe that's what scares her. You're young and ambitious, full of vigor and potential. You make her feel threatened by your youth; and she may have hit the glass ceiling, as far as climbing the ladder goes. Where she is, is where she'll stay. She may have been declined or passed-over for promotions in the past.
You have to shake it off. You have to learn to work under pressure, and conditions that challenge you; that's what makes you stronger. Sometimes you'll have to prove yourself again and again. That's what leadership requires of you. You went-in and started-off proving yourself to be adept and formidable. Suddenly things changed when you worked under her; then again you resumed the caliber of performance you originally started with. She may have made your life hell; but inadvertently, she helped to strengthen you. That's how you fight your way to the top, my dear. If not with that particular employer, elsewhere! Don't expect any job to be cushy. You'll always have to compete, struggle, and deal with personalities. That's why they call it work!
Allow yourself a little rest and mental-rejuvenation. Take advantage of your time-off, but keep proving yourself. Nothing she can do about that now! Stay-on only long enough to regain your momentum and maybe earn a promotion. You have to gain experience, and not allow people to run you off the job; the minute you prove yourself to be highly-qualified and leadership-material.
She has toughened you up! You can handle her kind from now on. You'll always suffer a few setbacks, and encounter bad supervisors; but you have to keep your head down, and give it all you've got. Don't look back! You've earned her respect, even if she won't show it. You're even more of a threat to her than ever; but seeking vindication is a waste of energy. Just prove to her you are every bit of the threat she ever thought you were! Leaving one job doesn't guarantee you won't go from bad to worse. That's a matter of chance. Aim for success, don't let others distract or discourage you.
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