A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi there...i'm engaged and recently my fiance told me he is bi!!!before we met he got drunk one evening at a friends place and one thin lead to another and they had sex!he always had a desire for a man and has suppressed this for 35 years! he promised on his daughters life that he won't cheat on me and that he really love's me,and i must not remind him of his problem,cause he can suppress it.i really do love him,and i am willing to stand by him 100%,i just scared he might cheat or leave me and i will be devastated.please help me i'm confused and hurt,how do i as woman deal with this.he likes me ..loves me...but he likes men a bit more!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks to all of you who answered me....i really hope i make a good decision!!!!!!!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): This shouldn't be a problem. He has been faithful to you. If he liked black women, and always has. Would you be freaking about him meeting a black girl? Does he freak about you thinking other types of guys are hot? Until he wrongs you, it doesn't matter.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (11 October 2010):
 Bisexual, gay, or straight if he sleeps with someone regardless of their gender it's still cheating.
Hmmm it really sounds like he's not ready to be married to you if he's bringing this to the table now. I don't believe in bi, because they always favor one sex over the other. And I don't think it's entirely healthy that he has suppressed this desire of wanting to be with a man. Has he ever had a relationship with a man? It's possible that he needs to experience this firsthand. There's nothing more shocking than getting married and your husband telling you he prefers men and wants a divorce. Not that I have been in that situation. Honestly, the point is to protect your feelings in the long run..tell him you don't think he is ready to be married so go ahead and post pone this engagement, take a break from each other so he can experience his desires for a man. They will always continue to be in the back of his mind even when he marries you..So go ahead and tell him to let it out now and potentially get it out of the way. He could "get it out of his system" or he actually be truly happy with a man. Do you really want to get married to him knowing that he desires to be with a man more than his wife?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 October 2010):
 The fact that he tells you he's bi after you are engaged is wrong. He should have done that at the beginning you want to be boyfriends girlfriends. Tell him suppressing it is not good, not healthy. I don't want to live with a man always suppressing his desires, it's like sleeping with a time bomb next to you. You are willing to stand by him 100% because you are already devoted to him. Why does he have to feel like his sexuality is something to be ashamed of? Why does he have to deprive you of the chance of being with a heterosexual man liking you only? Even if he's a billionaire I won't marry him. And I don't believe in an open marriage. No one is 100% heterosexual or 100% homosexual, but if you ask him how much he's attracted to you from a scale of 1 to 10, he's not going to give you a straight answer. Because if you knew the truth you would not marry him. You are not in his life to fix his problems, hide his problems, and make him look good in society. Oh, and swearing on a daughters life is the most romantic thing he can do to make you feel secure. If he needs that it only prooves how strong is "problem" is.
I cannot speak for all bisexuals because I am not one, but being engaged doesn't mean you can't change your mind. Usually the thought of a man being with another man is enough to turn me off completely.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): First off, being bi isn't a "problem," it's just how he is, and a one time incident a while back isn't a reason to jump around and get all excited and worried. Also, he says he loves you and is committed you. He has just as much of chance of cheating on you as any straight guy. Again, him being bi has nothing to do whether he would be more likely to cheat on you.
On the other hand, if you know for a fact (because he's said so) that he likes men more than women, then I would take a hard look at the relationship and figure out with him if he's really being truthful when he says he loves you and wants to be with you. If he's not had relationships with men because he's embarrassed of his bisexuality and has been trying to ignore his feelings, then I don't know how well things will work out. He might keep being able to suppress it, but there is a chance that he could become unhappy with forcing himself to ignore feelings he has.
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