A
female
age
41-50,
*janelle73
writes:Does anyone know why someone would talk to their ex every single day more than they talk to their Fiancee?I have been dating my Fiancee now for almost 2 years and he talks to his ex-wife every single day. Sometimes more than he talks to me. I wouldn't have a problem with this if they actually had a reason to talk. They don't have any kids together so I am really stumped. I found out because we are on the same cellphone plan for which he pays the bill and I see her work number and cellphone number on his outgoing calls more than I see mines. Also, when he is on his way home from work he calls me to tell me that he is on his way and then he hangs up and talks to her until he gets here, but when I ask him if he has ever cheated on me he tells me no. Yeh right....Another thing, he was with her for about 20 years, married for 7 and supposedly divorced for 4. He asked me to marry him, gave me a ring and diamond necklace, but I am still stumped on why he talks to her everyday...So does anyone know why someone would talk to their ex every single day????
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cheated on me, divorce, ex-wife, fiance, his ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, 2nd wife +, writes (25 August 2009):
I am in the same place. lived with fiancee 5 years, he has raised my son for 10 years, found out he and his ex wife from 15 years ago are in constant contact, phone, e-mail, texting, sending photos, and saying i love you. He locks his phone, does his own laundry and rents a PO box. Says they are "just friends" but it all takes place out of my earshot, like when he is at work, or when he take s his phone into the bathroom, to text I presume. I am sure thers more to it this than I know.There are no kids involved, why does he have more contact with her than with me, why does she send him copies of thier wedding photos asking him to remember the good times because I always will. Why does she send him postcards from Paris saying Its so romantic, I wish you were here. She knows about me, although we have only accidentally met, and i I was just introduced by my name, after they finished their hug.We are engaged, but he will never marry me, he wont want to hurt her. I wish I had known this ten years ago.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): I am dealing with this same problem. What it boils down to is that it is a constant interuption to the intimacy I am trying to create with my fiance. The bottom line is it is disrespectful to us a couple. Quite frankly, if it doesn't change soon, we are destined for a break up. I cannot force this situation to change, but I can look for a partner who is able to put my happiness as his priority as I try and do his. it becomes difficult when there is another person constantly calling and dropping by unannouced. She has made it clear that she wants him back. that is enough reason to cut the ties. Kids are one thing and there are kids involved. However, they all live with dad. Both must now be respectful of other people now involved. If this won't happen. Plain and simple...Good Bye.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2007): Hello, I talk to my ex wife alot, not daily but just about. We are still great friends. When I am in town I go see her, we go have lunch or somthing. Nothing sexual is part of our relationship now its just friends. Hug and a kiss on the cheek. If your fiance says he isnt cheating and you have no reason to not trust him, I would say that they are still friends. As to him talking to her more than you.... i dont know. All I am saying it is possible to have a strictly platonic relationship with an ex-wife. Hope this helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2007): How low will you feel before you do leave? or is leaving a thought and not really an optian?
It is not healthy to have so much bad feeling between a couple, if you need to know the absolute truth before you let it go then the only thing to do is call the ex. You have to understand that he wont appreciate it but he is giving you no answers.
Dont let on that you are calling her - he may pre warn her what to tell you.
It may be worth telling her that your feelings are dented by the fact that they speak more than you do and that you feel he is keeping his options open.
If you find more is going then end it immediately to have the most effect. If you find that this is all in your head you must appologise to them both and see if you can try to come to some kind of agreement on the contact they can have. Make it clear that if you marry, then any relationship with the ex must end.
I hope you find out whats going on, usually gut instinct is very reliable.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (24 November 2007):
 Just to be clear:
I think he is taking advantage of your good nature and using you. That is what I meant by marrying you for the wrong reasons.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (24 November 2007):
No kids and still in contact?
Red Flag.
Friends or not, it is sign that he is not marrying you for the right reasons.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, Bjanelle73 +, writes (24 November 2007):
Bjanelle73 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for all of your comments...all of them were helpful very helpful...
I 100% agree with the statement: Men CAN be only friends with a woman, you know. I feel the same way about women, but his philosophy is that "I" shouldn't have any "guy" friends, but him and he is very adamant about that.
I have always had more guy friends than girl friends...When I told him that I still talk to my ex-bf (has been an ex for 8 years)every once in a while, he did not appreciate it at all...I was initially like "Are you serious?" I have a 17 year old daughter and my ex-bf is the only man (although her father is in her life) that I dated besides my current that she actually likes and she keeps in contact with him. My ex lives in a different city and is happily married (my whole family loves this guy and he is my best guy friend now and we talk about one another's relationship problems)...When I explained this to my Fiancee he just tells me that men and women cannot be friends because friends can become more...I chalked that up to maybe his ex cheating on him with a friend because that was the first time that statement came up...I would have never thought he would cheat on me, but now I don't know...I also mentioned to him even if he isn't cheating on me "Physically" he is cheating "Emotionally"...
I don't ask him about his ex because I had no need to know anything, but that they weren't together any longer. I don't know exactly why they divorced, but from past conversations it seems as if it were a problem with her cheating...he says that he is the one that asked for the divorce...His sisters seem to be happy that they aren't together and went so far as to say they will help me plan our wedding and pay for it if I have it in my hometown....
My problem with him talking to her is that he told me that he doesn't talk to her and he has no reason to talk to her. So, when I ask him why is he still talking to her then he tells me to call her and find out for myself...See, I know that he is only telling me that because he "Thinks" that I won't...but, now I really have a reason to...I have her home, work and cellphone numbers and I want him to just come clean with me, I don't want to take the route of calling the ex...
They did have a house built together that they are selling, but that doesn't warrant them talking all the time...When I say all the time I mean "ALL" the time...We practically live together and when he leaves in the morning he calls her, he talks to her throughout the day and then he talks to her on his way home...Now that is more than excessive to me...
All of this talking made me very suspicious so that's when I started checking up on him...I went to the website for Public Records and I found his "Wedding Certificate" but I can't find his "Divorce Decree" and when I asked him about it he said I needed to look somemore and he was LIVID...now, this is a problem with me because I know that he cheated on his ex before because he doesn't have any kids with her, but he had a kid with someone else while he was broken up from her before....So now that I know he is speaking to her again, I am wondering "Damn, am I just a fling and he forgot to tell me about it?"
The weekends are the worst for me because when he goes to work Friday morning I don't see him again until Sunday morning because he works out of town on the weekend...At one time I knew he was working the job for sure, but now I don't know because I can't get him to take a weekend off to just spend some time with me...Here it is Thanksgiving weekend and he is out of the house by 11AM and I haven't spoken to him since....
I have awaken many mornings crying and telling him how unhappy I am..He tells me that if he didn't want to be with me he wouldn't be...but, communication is non-existent...when I try to talk to him about our relationship and how I feel he doesn't want to hear and tells me that I "Bitch" and "Complain" too much...but, when I ask him about what he says if I don't know I have a bigger problem than he thought..The only thing I "B & C" about is him working all the time and never spending time with me...He works a full-time job M-F and then a PT on Friday night thru Sunday and then he has his own lawn service company...he works so much that he spends no time maintaining this relationship, but he finds time to talk to his ex all-day...
I want to leave him, but I keep thinking as soon as I decide to leave that is when he is going to decide to straighten up...The only reason that I have stayed so long is because this person that he is now is not the person that I fell in love with and so I know that he is capable of being everything that he used to be...I am not trying to change him I just want the a semblance of what I had in the beginning or nothing at all...Is that too much to ask for??????
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2007): I would say that they have alot of water under the bridge and so you can kind of allow them to talk for that reason but everyday is excessive. What were the reasons for their split do you know?
I have to say it is something in my relationship that I would not allow. Their time is over - you should be the one his attention is on now. Address it before it goes too far.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2007): This concerns me. Having sex is not the only way to feel close to someone and build an intimacy. But before you jump the gun and think he's 'physically' cheating, here...I want to say. To me, it sounds like he is still very emotionally attached to her and/or she is to him. It could be, he has never been able to let go of the intimate "friendship" aspect of her, completely. Unfortunately, some people rarely give themselves enough time to get over their last relationship before they start another. Did this happen when you met him? And why did 'they' divorce, in the first place? But one thing is for sure, you have been a very patient woman. He needs to say a final good bye to her and let her move on with her life and he needs to go ahead with you. It's long over due. I suggest that you continue to talk to him and really listen to what he says and doesn’t say. If this issue continues, it is never too soon to get into couple’s counseling and have a good qualified therapist explain to your bf, that his behaviors are and will adversly affect this relationship. Hun, I personally think it is much better to work things out early in the game, rather than waiting till you both are in, way too deep. The ex wife has to go. Simple has that
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