A
female
age
36-40,
*selu08
writes:My fiance got into some trouble with the law a few days ago. We are all pretty upset about it, including him. When we went to bail him out of jail, he went straight to his dad and hugged him for minutes and broke down. He hugged me for about 5 seconds and didn't say much to me. He broke down with his mom again when we got home. All he has done for the last couple of days is call his mom or run to her house to cry to her and let her know how sorry he is. He hasn't told me he is sorry one time. When he cries to me, it's only about him hurting his mom. He is acting indifferent to how I may be hurting from this. He has every right to feel bad for his family. But I am his family too. Or so I thought. How he is acting during this crisis is making me feel completely insignificant. I know he has a lot on his mind, but his natural reaction to this situation has made me feel like our relationship doesn't matter. His mom is stuck with him no matter what. I am not. I would think he would be more concerned about how I feel. We have been together for four years, and I have done nothing but be the perfect partner and do everything for him. Am I being selfish, or do I have a reason to be upset?
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male
reader, Nithyanala  +, writes (24 October 2010):
 More than anything else I think he feels he's let his family down in a huge way and that is provoking an emotional response. Keep calm and be the strong one through this. It's not a reflection on you, I think.
A
female
reader, mselu08 +, writes (24 October 2010):
mselu08 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses. I am being involved. I'm looking into lawyers, I'm the one talking him down and being the level headed, strong person looking for solutions while his mom is being irrationally hysterical and only making matters worse.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): I think Bernard is pretty right here. His parents gave him a moral foundation when they raised him, and it's clear that by being caught for a crime and arrested, he seemingly ignored what they taught him. Now, he feels like he has to make it up to them.
Instead of standing on the sidelines feeling ignored and unimportant, start talking. Ask him to talk to you about what happened and about the feelings you're having about his arrest. Talk about your future together to make sure you're both on the right track for later in life. You can't complain about being ignored if you're just watching life happen and not joining in.
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A
female
reader, mselu08 +, writes (24 October 2010):
mselu08 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't want to say specifically. We're all paranoid at this point. All I'll say is his "friend" set him up in order to get himself out of trouble. My fiance is a good guy and has never been in that kind of trouble before.
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