A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear AllI am in a state of dilemma these days. I am in love with a guy since past 3 years, we both are settled doing private jobs, he being at a senior position, me at mid level in different companies.We were together in our last organization where our rel;ationship started. Just after 6 months of our relationship I told my parents about the guy. Though he was well settled my parents were furious about the affair as the guy is baniya and I am jat and this is an Inercaste affair(I am from North India and this is story of Delhi(India), parents living in haryana(India)). I kept on convincing my parents but no result. Guy went and met my parents but no result. Guys parents gave a call to my father but he kept down the phone and never listened to them. After 2 years of all this, I scummed under pressure and became ready to do marriage according to their will, this was a result of lot of emotional torture though no physical torture was ever involved. They fixed my rishta to a guy but that guy was very insensitive and rude, after 1 month my parents broke the rishta as the guy was not found suitable. I again kept my love thing in front of my parents but again the same process. Now they are giving me such torures as we will housearrest you, Leave ur job, Your grandparents are sitting in village and you have no consideration for them. Make sacrifice for familys well being as our prestige will vanish after this alliance. To make them understand that caste system is no longer such rigid guys rishtedaar went and met my parents but no use, I involved a NGO also who met my father 3-4 times but no use. My father is hell bent on marrying me according to his own choice and forcibly make me see rishtas every month. They terrify me with things like housearrest, suicides, leaving job, mental torture. How do i escape all this. Is there is something more I can do. Also i am till date so scared of my father that I can not initiate the talking process. I am just the defender and everytime he starts the war either himself, either through my Mom.Please let me know if i am left with any solution to the problem except marrying in court(As i am hesistant towards it and fear for my fathers repurcations later on). I am fed up of getting tortured and seeing rishtas every month. How do i stop all this.He is such a good debator that watsoever i say he has an answer, i even said i would not marry for whole of my life , he simply says - u r nobody to decide that, marriage decisions are made by parents. PLEASE HELP.
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female
reader, Paula4u  +, writes (22 January 2013):
 you are not alone in this, have a read of this..http://dawn.com/2012/06/25/forced-marriage-victims-hate-the-crime-not-their-parents/
A
female
reader, Paula4u +, writes (22 January 2013):
Please be very careful, its easy for us in Europe but you are vulnerable. Do you have family in another country that you could go and visit? Maybe in England?If your beloved truly loves you he must find a way to protect you.If you have not support but do not wish to marry, like this are there any safe organisations that can help you, nearby?Please be careful!
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A
female
reader, Paula4u +, writes (22 January 2013):
My heart goes out to you. You are in such a difficult position. 1. Please be careful we hear many terrible stories , some parents are very radical. 2. Is there an organisation near you to help you? Going to do a bit of searching for you. Hugs .. be strong talk to your parents.. dont fight talk to them though on how you feel.
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