A
male
age
30-35,
*asonlfcguy
writes:I feel like I don't have a father figure in my life as my dad ignores me, and doesn't want to spend time with me. He is my biological dad by the way, I don't have a stepdad.He's more interested in pursuing a feud with someone else than spending time with me.I've tried to get him interested in my life, but he just whinges at me that I'm not good enough for him, and says to me that I should have been born a girl instead. He insults me andI've talked to my mum about this, and she's appalled with him, but he refuses to listen to her.How do I get him to spend some time with me and accept me for who I am?He's never taken much interest in me, leaving my mum to do everything with me - going to parents' evenings people questioned why my dad didn't turn up there.He didn't even go to my school plays when I was aged 12-15 in high school.I feel depressed about this, and only really feel happy in work, and have started overeating to cope with it, gorging on salt-and-vinegar crisps and brioche with cream to cope with it.Anyone able to help me? Jason
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female
reader, robinp93401  +, writes (22 October 2009):
I wish there was something I could say to make things better for you, I hope I can help. YOU are the child and HE is the parent. YOU have done nothing wrong. It's not your path in life to try to get your father to love you. Some people aren't meant to be parents even though they have children. It's not YOU it's HIM. Obviously he has underlying issues and grudges. Please don't let him affect who you are and what you are capable of. I seriously think that you need to seek professional counseling on this. I can't imagine how you must feel. I want to say more, I just don't know what to say....just so you know, you'll be in my thoughts and prayers. :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2009): Hey man, I'm sorry to hear your father treats you this way! It has to be really difficult. Instead of you trying to get him interested in your life, maybe you should try to get yourself interested in his life. It just may work. Me and my father don't have too much in common, so the 1 or 2 things we do, I just focus on them. In the end, if he really doesn't want anything to do with you, just at least let him know how you really feel one time before he dies, and hopefully he will come around. If doesn't come around and ends up rejecting you forever, please don't take it out on yourself, because it is not your fault.
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A
female
reader, _lola_  +, writes (22 October 2009):
 Hey JasonJoin the club, both my parents are like that, the only attention I ever got was to have a go at me because I wasn't good enough or smart enough!Don't let his selfish, selfcentred attitude make you feel like you're not good enough, because at the end of the day even if you're the most poxy, s**t person in the world, you're still his son and he had to love you, if he can't express it that's his problem not yours!You could spend more quality time with your mam and maybe join a sport or hobby, instead of looking at your dad for affirmation do something that makes you happy and feel fulfilled and good about yourself!hope you feel better soon xxP.s If you like cake, eat the cake!
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A
female
reader, _lola_ +, writes (22 October 2009):
Hey JasonJoin the club, both my parents are like that, the only attention I ever got was to have a go at me because I wasn't good enough or smart enough!Don't let his selfish, selfcentred attitude make you feel like you're not good enough, because at the end of the day even if you're the most poxy, s**t person in the world, you're still his son and he had to love you, if he can't express it that's his problem not yours!You could spend more quality time with your mam and maybe join a sport or hobby, instead of looking at your dad for affirmation do something that makes you happy and feel fulfilled and good about yourself!hope you feel better soon xxP.s If you like cake, eat the cake!
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A
female
reader, lastdinosaur +, writes (22 October 2009):
 CaringGuy has a point. You shouldn't waste your time on somebody that isn't worth it.But then again, if you feel it necessary, I think you should tell him how you feel. He might be blindsided by it at first, but who knows. He might feel like he's lost his son just as much as you feel you've lost your father.Communication is the key. But if you feel it's not the right thing to do, then do not proceed, and come to terms with your decision. Hope I helped.-L
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A
female
reader, lastdinosaur +, writes (22 October 2009):
CaringGuy has a point. You shouldn't waste your time on somebody that isn't worth it.But then again, if you feel it necessary, I think you should tell him how you feel. He might be blindsided by it at first, but who knows. He might feel like he's lost his son just as much as you feel you've lost your father.Communication is the key. But if you feel it's not the right thing to do, then do not proceed, and come to terms with your decision. Hope I helped.-L
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 October 2009):
I know how you feel. I'm there. My Dad doesn't care about anyone but himself. I hate to tell you this, but you might be better off letting him go. I know how hard it can be. But you're going to continue fighting for attenion that you won't get. I tried adn failed, so stopped trying. It hasn't changed him, but I feel happier and healthier myself. Don't waste your life.
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