A
male
age
36-40,
*lias me
writes:I know its sad but my first ever gf dumped me 3 years ago and I cant get over it . She dumped me over telephone just saying she didnt care for me anymore. She said that she didnt want to be friends either so I basically cut all ties from her not talking to her at all. I basically I forgot about her and stopped thinking about her in a bad way. I have been fine but she messaged me out of the blue yesterday, just saying hey I have just been wondering how are you and what are you upto these days? I know this is random... Ever since she messaged me everythings just flooded back and I feel like crap. Now I dont know what to say whether to bother talking to her or not because to be honest my life is pretty **** compared to hers at the moment.Acording to facebook shes got an awesome well paid job, been travelling loads and has a new bf that looks like a model. Me on the other hand is struggling to finish my masters ,been diagnosed a liver condition as well a pre existing heart condition my granma recently started to go senile so I have it pretty **** in comparison. I have had crushes in the time we have been apart 1 of them used me to get to my friend and the other girl just prick teased me for months without telling me she has a bf , basically girls have just been crap to me. So I am in a low place,Its more than obvious thats she doesnt care about me anymore and shes completely over me I know I am sad but I dont know I still feel so bad after this long, I dont whether to speak to her or not, If I speak to her it will dig up more bad feelings and lead to more badluck for me, but if I ignore her it will make me look that I havent got over it while shes having a perfect life...any advice and help or encouragement for my fortune to turn round will be so appreciiated
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female
reader, bella5153  +, writes (24 March 2011):
Stop dwelling and let go. She's not sitting around dwelling, she's moved on with her life and so should you. You haven't even responded, but yet it's opening the wound back up. Focus on yourself... you're important, you're worth it and you deserve better! You're working on your masters, when most people don't even have a college education. Keep busy and stay strong! When you're time is right you'll meet the love of your life! Chin up and cheer up, you'll be okay! Take care.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): Ahh mate, Ive had this thing for the last five years. Even though I've been out with alot of girls since, i still really like her and can't go a couple of hours without thinking about her.
What I would do is to just talk to her as a friend. But be clear in your head to yourself that that is all it is now. Just catch up and make a good friendship. You obviously enjoyed eachothers company when you were together, so you're still the same people.
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A
male
reader, Jackalus +, writes (23 March 2011):
Look mate, don't talk to her, make no contact. She may not have feelings for you and maybe at the moment she has a better life. But she said she didn't want to be friends so stuck to what she told you, it's only fair.
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A
female
reader, AgonyLaura +, writes (23 March 2011):
Hey, I would like to say my heart really goes out to you. It seems like you have an awful lot to deal with at the moment.
There are a few things I would like to point out....
First thing is I know you really like this girl but from an outsider's point of view - she really doesn't sound that great. She dumped you over the phone. This sounds extremely rude to me. No one should be treated like that.
The second thing is that with everything that's going on at the moment you need to concentrate on yourself. Things are difficult but they will get better. I know its easy to say but try to be as positive as you can.
In terms of whether to speak to her, try to work out what will make you happier. If you feel that replying will make you really unhappy then don't reply. If though you think you would like to then keep it short and to the point. If you don't want to tell about what has been happening don't. I would probably reply and be polite but don't really ask her any questions and she how she reacts.
Finally I really wouldn't be sure that she is living a 'perfect life'. Facebook can give a totally skewed impression of someone's life. She may be happy or she may not be but I wouldn't try to guess that from her facebook. After all, she is texting an ex boyfriend years later - which to me smacks of someone not too happy with their life. But again you don't really know what people are feeling.
In conclusion, I really believe that everyone deserves to be happy and this girl is probably toxic to your happiness. My advice would be do what you want in terms of speaking to her but remember that you have to look out and care for yourself first. And I honestly believe you will feel better soon.
All the best.
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (23 March 2011):
Please don't add another pain to your life. I guess you have a lot already. So don't answer or, if you want to, just tell her you don't want to talk to her.
And then, keep trying there are a lot of good girls out there. You will end up finding one who is worth it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): If it makes you upset to hear from her, don't respond to her at all and just keep no contact. There is no reason to have contact with her unless you feel it would benefit you to discuss how you felt about the break up. I would stop looking at her FB. Delete her if you haven't.
Just because her life looks like it is going really well doesn't mean everything is perfect for her. Everyone has problems.
I'm sorry for your low state. Concentrate on your degree and your health. Good things will happen for you soon I'm sure. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, lisastuds  +, writes (23 March 2011):
It is really a question why she is checking up on you after all this time. I wouldn't advise you to keep close distance with her again, seeing that she broke-up with you so unceremoniously in the past.
You can contact her, but try to maintain your distance.
And, in order to turn your life around for the better you'll have to change your outlook. When you wake up each day tell yourself that you choose to have a good day today, and stick to it, don't let anything spoil it for you. You have to realize that although you have a liver problem and your grandmother is sick, it is not the end of the world. You're still alive, and once you're alive you gotta live life to the fullest. There are many people out there who would die to have your life, as far fetched as that may seem. Many people have it worse off than you do.
Your life wont change unless you make it. You have to gather the strength to make it happen for you. the simplest way to start is to begin your day with the mandate that you will have a good day. Try it, it works.
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