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My ex wouldn't interact with my friends but now he is!

Tagged as: Breaking up, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 October 2013) 2 Answers - (Newest, 17 October 2013)
A female New Zealand age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hello all I recently broke up with my bf. One of the reasons was because he never wanted to interact with my friends or introduce me to his family. Personally I feel that if a couple got together, there shouldn't be anything to hide. Furthermore, we were together for more than a year. I really didn't see why we had to be sneaky when we went out unless he had something to hide. The frustrating thing is he's talking to my friends now, like right after we broke up. Idk if its weird but I think it is, especially since he's trying to act chummy with them when he's only ever said HI to them once when my friends saw us together. I feel vexed too because he never wanted to be in my social circle and suddenly after our break up he just wants to talk to my friends all the time and even my friends find it creepy. He has even been online stalking my friend, whom he has mistaken to be my new bf. What should I do?

View related questions: broke up, stalking

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2013):

He is being passive-aggressive. Pretending to want to make friends with your friends, is mainly to keep tabs on you. It is also to make you feel uncomfortable; because you have no one to confide in. He's infiltrating your support-system; so you'll feel that whatever you tell them, he'll find out. He's afraid you'll tell them he didn't like them; and he wants to make it look like a lie.

Talk to each of your friends individually; and tell them how you feel. If it makes them feel weird, suggest that they tell him so.

Also ask that whatever you talk about be kept in complete confidence. Reminding them that he didn't really want to be friends before the breakup; and it should be obvious he has ulterior motives.

True friends watch your back. They don't turn on you. If they're too stupid to see through him; don't hesitate to drop one or two, and replace them. You get to choose your friends, and a back-stabber is an enemy. Not a friend.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (17 October 2013):

Honeypie agony auntIgnore it, just tell your friends to check their setting on social sites and to just ignore him too. Or even block him.

I think you were right in breaking up. If you weren't good enough to meet his family and your friends weren't "good" enough for him to hang with - he wasn't for you.

You can't really control who he talks to or who he wants to talk to, that is up to your friends whether they want to talk to him or not.

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