A
male
age
36-40,
*nil D
writes:well we broke off becoz of her family problems. now that we have decided to remain friends,we had reduced alot but this girl still wants me to call her atleast once a day. we are having hard time to accept this friendship and keep going back and forth after the breakup. but to be frank, i want to move on and even she is quite understanding. she still shows closeness and i feel tied to her though it has been labelled as "friends". why is she concerned?? she says she doesnot have any true friend except me and i have always been mr. right for her. we are really having a hard time over this. i want to be just her casual friend as its useless to moan over whatever happened and this attachment will never allow us to move on in life.am i being mean to her ? how to reduce the addiction without me or her feeling bad about it? any idea friends???? thanks for ur time ...
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (25 November 2008):
 No, you are not being mean. You are being realistic about how this continuing close contact will hold both of you back. You are not responsible for her happiness; SHE is. She has to learn to get along without you, and she'll only find out how by doing it. Yes, this will make her unhappy, and yes, it will be difficult for her at first. But you will be doing her no favors by continuing the current state of contact, because then she'll be holding out hope that you two will get back together.
Yes, you will feel a bit guilty about causing her a bit of pain, but again, this is something she needs to get through on her own.
She needs to build up a new support network of friends on her own. If she cannot, then the issues she has are larger than just getting over a break up.
You sound like a caring person, so I think causing hurt is difficult for you. But again, you are not responsible for her feelings or her inability to cope. She needs to figure this out on her own, if she doesn't, she'll be a clinging person for the rest of her life. Not really a good way to go through life.
So tell her, gently but firmly, that you cannot keep up the level of contact she desires. That you need to move on yourself and while you wish her well, she needs to venture out into the world so that she can grow and mature as an individual.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, Miss Potter  +, writes (25 November 2008):
 As you have rightly pointed out - she has no other close friends, so she is hanging on to you partially out of habit.
Try to encourage her to take up some new activity, find more people to socialise with (thats what a friend would suggest i think).
And yes, you are right about wanting to move on and being tied down at the moment. You will move on much faster if there was minimum contact between you two.
She has to take care of herself now, encourage her to do something new and try not to give in when she asks you to call and txt her frequently.
Best of luck.
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