A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i need major advice!my ex/daughters father and i have been broken up for a year. He's is married and has a new baby. i have been dating this guy for 5 months.I am very happy with my boyfriend now i wouldnt trade him for anything. last night my ex came over to drop our daughter off my boyfriend works 3rd shift and my ex knows that anyway Sunday night my ex was texting me very strange questions like he asked me if i still had pictures of him and i . And i do so that I can show my daughter and explain what happened with us. Any way he basically said he wasn't over well he bring our daughter back to me last night she was asleep so he took her and put her in her bed. He came down stairs and was acting very weird he was saying stuff like how well im taking care of our daughter and how good im doing taking care of her and stuff.Then he asked me to give him a hug i kept saying no and he kept asking. So i gave in and gave him a hug. Thinking nothing of it i thought it would be a friendly hug. When I go let go of him he leans in to kiss me. And i try to hurry and back away but he wouldn't let me i sorta pushed him away and it didnt work.i haven't told my boyfriend about what happened today is his birthday and I just don't have the nerve to tell him on his birthday.I don't have feelings for my ex whatsoever. I just can't find to courage to tell my boyfriend about what happened. I want to tell him i just dont know how. Any advice?
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 July 2013):
 Let me get something straight here:
"When I go let go of him he leans in to kiss me. And i try to hurry and back away but he wouldn't let me i sorta pushed him away and it didnt work."
When you say "It didn't work", does that mean he forced himself on you, or did you end up kissing him back? Because absent a rape attempt, a swift kick in the nuts and a very loud scream followed by a dash towards the nearest phone to call the police usually stops that sort of pushiness.
What about this:
"Then he asked me to give him a hug i kept saying no and he kept asking. So i gave in and gave him a hug."
There's the problem. No means no. That was the part where you get harsh on him and tell him to leave. Better yet, he doesn't enter your house at all, much less take her and put her in her bed at YOUR house.
No, you played with fire here. You skirted close to the edge. You texted him, accepted him into your house, didn't give him a clear message that you were over him and had zero interest. Instead, you gave weak no's followed by letting him into your house, texting you constantly, hugging you after admitting he still wanted you, and finally letting him kiss you.
Now you must own what you did. Would you buy it if your boyfriend had an ex who threw herself at him? No. You have one chance to write the harshest, meanest, most direct email of your life, and CC your current boyfriend telling this guy to never put his hands on you again. That once and for all, he is not to kiss you, pressure you, force his mouth on yours, hug you, touch you, or enter your house again.
It's either that or explain to your current boyfriend that you valued your ex's feelings more than your boyfriend's love for you.
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