A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I helped someone out with her daughter a lot in the past, and we became friends. We invited her daughter over a lot. She never, ever reciprocated. But she didn't invite other girls either. Recently they have been inviting other girls, especially one girl in their class. (There are only four girls.) My feelings, as a mom, are very, very hurt. My daughter is more shy, and I have three girls who are close in age, so my girls do not really ask a lot to have friends over. What do I do as a parent? I know this other mom very well, and I have told her exactly how I feel, but not real recently. I have stated it exactly in those words --that my daughter is never invited but that other girls are. She stated, "Maybe a couple of times." Although I don't think they do a lot of playdates. This mom works full-time and I am a stay-at-home mom.In the past we have always invited her daughter over, but this year, since they never reciprocated, I have decided to change my ways and not invite her. I know that they have noticed this but have not said anything. Does anyone have any advice? My daughter is the most shy of the four girls in her class, and I do feel really badly about it, kind of like she is left out. But she comes home from school very happy, talking about what the other girls have said at school, and it does not seem as if she feels left out, even though it appears a little bit that way when I am at school.Do I encourage my daughter to have friends over if she does not say anything about it? As far as my relationship with my former friend, I feel that our friendship is ruined. I don't know how she feels as she is not into a lot of interaction. If I go to her house for any reason, everything is to the point. It's not like, "Come on in. . ." That is just the way she is. Anytime I would ask her for a favor or to watch my daughter, she is always happy to do it.Feeling Hurt
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): I'm always inviting children over. My daughters in grade one & this year has not been invited to anyones house. This upsets me & I take it personally. Daughter never asks why shes not invited & is happy. I'm 33 & most mums are 40s also I live in a wealthy area, however I'm not wealthy & feel this is partly why no invites & my age. I could be
wrong , but just don't get why she never gets invited.
Mums, mays well be back in high school. Think it's rude that no one rcepicriicates. I don't talk to daughter bout it as I dint think it's good idea to bring attention to it if childs not upset. Just hurtful to us cause we can see thru these parents.
A
female
reader, LisaSE  +, writes (13 August 2010):
 Feeling Hurt: I think that you should be perfectly honest with your daughter. Tell her: "Honey, I notice you never go visit at ____'s house. Is there something wrong at school?" That really is pretty much the best way to put it. At this point, the ball is in your daughter's court! Either she will confess what is happening if anything OR she will choose not to talk about it (whether because everything is fine and she is pleased with the situation or it's her diplomatic way of saying she doesn't wish to discuss it).
That being said, ask your daughter if she enjoys when you invite this girl over.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): This sort of stuff happens all the time. The best thing you can do as a parent is just stay out of it - if your kid is coming home from school happy, then let them be.
I know you want to get involved, but don't. You'll do more damage to your kid if you attempt to play their attorney.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): Wow, you sound like a great mom. My mom would never have got so involved with what I was doing/who I was friends with, etc. And as much as I would of liked her to, she was just the 'get you to school' and that be it, kind of mom.
Anyway, I think you should speak to your daughter about this. Tell her to be completely honest with you, and ask her if she's happy. Ask if she feels left out in ANY way when she's at school. You'll then have your answer whether to carry on trying to get her involved with other girls, etc.
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