A
female
age
51-59,
*amalouise
writes:I am in a bind. I can not stand my daughter's bf. She has been dating him for a couple of months now and I allowed it but this past week he as began to show his true colors. I actually think he is an abusive type. He literally disrespected me by yelling at me and calling me names. I admit I called my daughter a liar. Which she was lying to me at the time. She was supposed to be home. So then that pissed him off and he got in the middle of it and started yelling at me and giving me the finger with both his fingers. Then his mother made him say he was sorry so then he did for her sake. Then he came over and talked to me a couple of days later and started freaking out saying I was threatening him and all I said was I didn't think he knew how smart I was. I was lying to me making excuses for his actions the other day. But I was sitting down and he was standing up and he started yelling at me saying I was threatening him. I think the reason he did this was because my daughter was upset with him for yelling at me to the point of breaking up with him. Then after he started an argument again and I made him leave and actually went to the police, my daughter believes I started it. That I did threaten him. I think his goal that day was to twist things in her mind to get her mad at me. Now she hates me. I have banned that sorry excuse for a bf out of my house and yard. But what should I do? She is 17. She is turning 18 in August but she has not even graduated school yet. She has a whole year left! What should I do? He is obviously brainwashing her.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2007): Continue to be there always for your daughter. You are not doing anything wrong and you are in the right direction in protecting your daughter, whether she likes it or not. Just as long as she is under the same roof as you, the respect for the parent has to be obeyed.The boyfriend she has already displayed his horrible character and what he is capable of, what more how low and disrpectful he is to flip you off and yell at you. This says alot about this young man, oh may I now call him a ultimate immature punk because he displayed to be one in front of you and your daughter. The jerk.He sounds abusive. If he can do this indecent behavior to you, what kind of behavior does he have violently to your daughter when they are alone and disagree on something. You can be patient and let your daughter know that you are there for her because by his actions he displays of someone that can hurt her. Explain to her that you know she is smart and not to be afraid to be open with you.Also let her know that there are many good respectful handsome guys out there who are good and decent.If he loved your daughter he would of never treated her mom, which is you the way he did. She should dish him.I feel it is going to get to point where a restraining order has to take place if he continues his yelling and violent actions. Your safety and your daughter's safety is important. This comes first.Please be careful there is no excuse for this punk to be acting this way. A real man would not cause an ugly scene but will respectful to handle a situation in a mature way and will always respect his girlfriends parent.I can remember when my niece came home late and her mom (my sister) yelled at her in front of her boyfriend and also yelled at the boyfriend....the boyfriend was still polite to her. Then she developed a trust because of this respect.Please be careful and protect your daughter and yourself.
A
female
reader, mamalouise +, writes (25 June 2007):
mamalouise is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your input. I greatly appreciate it. I will keep trying...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2007): I think you are right. Your daughter is infatuated with this young man and she is blind to his poor character traits. Your are her Mother and you have a responsibility to make sure she is safe and healthy. As far as I am concerned, any young person under the age of 18 or is still living at home...is a dependant person who needs guidance and should be following the home rules. You are concerned about her so you need to monitor her whereabouts and who she dates, in any way you can. You daughter has made a poor choice in dating this young man. This young man needs to be pried out of your daughter's life. This is a volatile young, angry man who has no respect for others, including himself or your daughter. She is definitely at risk of being abused. The saddest thin is..your daughter appears to also have no respect for you. She is troubled and needs help. Is your daughter's father on the scene? You need to draw him into this, so you both can parent her and protect her. This is serious. I would sit down with your daughter, reach out to her and tell her your deepest concerns for her safety. Tell her from a mature vantage point, what abuse is, and why you think this young man will abuse her. Ask her to listen. Also, ask her if she will come with you for family counseling. She needs help in understanding why she would take up with a young man like this-why she feels he is appropriate for her to date. It may have to do with her own low self-respect issues. Always explain and help her evaluate what your family’s values and beliefs are. Do not just give up. Tell her that when her bf disrespects you, he is disrespecting her family and that is unacceptable. Also, if he has been caught lying, he has a character problem as well as severe anger issues. You have some work ahead of you. Sometimes being a loving, caring parent involves saving someone's neck even when you put the noose on yourself. You daughter will be upset with your boundaries and your 'tough love' but she may thank you for it someday. Parenting is a harsh job with little benefits when they reach teen years. But if it means saving her and keeping her close...do whatever it takes. I am with you all the way. Take care, dear and be strong.
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A
male
reader, GreenTea +, writes (25 June 2007):
Well I just tried to make a girl the same age as your daughter realize that she had an abusive boyfriend. Unfortunately what I realized is that she is going to have the make decision herself. Has he tried to get her to stop hanging out with her friends yet? Talk to his parents. It helps a lot. also, don't be afraid to call her best friends and ask them what they think. and ask them to look out for her. I know I'm only 17. But maybe a different perspective could be of use right now. Feel free to message me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2007): Hi, well if your daughter does not belive you then you should try to get proof that he is the abuseive type like sneak a recorder in the room where he is yellig at you and record and show you daughter what it says.
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