A
female
age
30-35,
*ysterium
writes:Hey all,So I have this friend I grew up with. He is a little eccentric in his behavior but we had a fun childhood together. He was my best friend for a very long time. As we grew, I guess he started liking me and still does I guess. I love him as a friend and mean no disrespect but I do not like him romantically. I have told him so too. Presently, we're still decent friends. But everything he says to me has an underlying tone of him still trying to hit on me (I suppose). And that's just very uncomfortable. Secondly, many times he also tells me about the people he has been dating/had been dating and I listen like a good friend and give him advice if he asks for it. But lately, when I told him about this person who was interested in me, and I in him, he said something very mean to the effect that since everyone in our group of friends is dating/taken, I'm "pretending" to like this person just to save face. I was hurt and I somehow can't seem to forgive him for saying something like this to me. And this isn't the only time. He has been passively mean to me several times. But I never took it seriously till his last statement. Honestly, I want to sever our friendship but I feel like I spent my entire childhood with him and it was so much fun...he's known me the longest after my family. So thats a special bond to keep right? I'm so confused...should I forgive him or not?
View related questions:
best friend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (28 September 2015):
 So that's a special bond to keep right?
--------------
Not if he is constantly trying to "punish" you for not liking him back.
Not if he starts to have a negative influence on you and your life.
I would back away a bit from him, not tell him too many personal things, because I think he is "petty" enough to try and use it against you.
This whole passive-aggressive behavior is his way of showing you that he is ANGRY that you don't like him the way he "thinks" you should. He thinks you OWE him to "like" him back and sorry, that is not how it works. And he feels entitled to treat you this way, which he isn't. NO ONE is.
Being friends with someone who wants to have a romantic attachment rarely works, because they are NOT in it for the FRIENDSHIP.
So I would slowly wind down the friendship a WHOLE lot of notches. If he bring it up, tell him. "I'm kind over the whole passive-aggressive behavior of yours, that is not how I want to be treated by anyone, certainly not someone I have seen as a friend for so long". Either he will "get it" and behave accordingly or he will (most likely) be even more pissed off for being called on his passive-aggressive behavior.
THIS is NOT your doing. You didn't MAKE treat you this way, but sticking around to "take his abuse" is in a way "letting" him get away with doing it and I don't think ANY childhood friendship is worth that.
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (28 September 2015):
 Its really up to you if you can forgive him. If you want too then do it, don't be stubborn about it. I would assume that if he knows you so well he should be told he should know better than to be thinking that your motives for being interested in this guy is to "save face". A part of being close is being able to be honest - tell him that his comments were hurtful and that you would expect the same level of support you have always given him. I wouldn't be ruining a friendship over it but i wouldn't be letting it slide either.
...............................
|
