A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Not sure how to start or explain this one, been on here before and got great advice from you agony aunts and uncles, so i am hoping that you can advice me on this one. I am in LDR which been with him for nearly 3 years, we are committed loyal and honest with each other, we see each other whenever we can the best we can, just before xmas gone we spoke about moving in together as a family but to be able to do this he has to extend his house ie a extension, so will be plenty of room for me to move in with my child thats the plan so he has a child too so big changes for our children from our ex partners and us too, so its going to cost money to do all this which takes a lot of doing, he said he would get on with things after xmas its nearly feb and he hasnt even got the plans written up, now i cant say to him come on get on with it cause hes the one that will be paying for it all as he said he would be, when we spoke about moving in we said it would be this year summer time, but i cant see this happening will take much longer than that, i would gladly move in now with him, and once we start on with the exstension we let our children have the two big bedrooms what he already has, and me and him rough it downstairs until the other bedroom ie exstension is all done, i dont mind roughing it, but i cant say that to him its not for me to say, i just think to myself if he truely loved me and wanted me with him permantly like he says, surly he would have me with him now, cause i feel its going to take ages to build on, so what do i do, just hang in there and hope he does get round to getting on with things,i know its all money and time, and recently he has just finished a exstension of his kitchen he was on with that when i met him, but its the box room my child stays in when we go up to stay that bothers him, he said my child needs a bigger room for a permantly thing cant be in a box room not fair on her, so if you have any advice do i hang in there or his he making excuses and will never get on with the build on, i just feel if he truely wanted me with him all the time he would be getting on with things am i wrong to think that way of him, if i had the money for him i would give him it to get the ball rolling but i dont, and he never takes money off me for anything he always pays for our days out even though i always offer he wont take, not sure wheather to speak up and give him the idea that we rough it and we have the built on room, give our children the other two rooms each as we plan to do, or just wait for him to do it all in his own time, everytime i go up to stay for a few days, he always gets onto the subject of the build on what plans he has, but its all seems to talk not get on with it but i know its money and time any advice would be good thanks
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 January 2012):
 What do you mean it’s not for YOU to say? You want to LIVE with this man and you are AFRAID to discuss these issues with him?
He just finished the kitchen HE wanted. He says that the room for your child is too small and he wants her to have more room… well a child can live in a small room for a bit and adults can rough it for a bit but I gather from what you are saying and reading between the lines that you think his statements are excuses for why you two are not moving in together and I fear you may be right.
When my LDR and I decided we would be together full time and he would move to me.. he came down and he was with me but he had not yet given up his place… it was very hard it took us 3 or 4 weekends of being up there pretending to get stuff done before he was really ready to give up an apartment he had been in for nearly 10 years… now we are in my home and plan to move to a bigger new place that’s OURS and we are both dragging our feet on getting stuff done because it’s scary. He may be dragging his feet because it’s scary and you may have to push for a deadline.
Personally I would want to get the ball rolling and I’d tell him… Child and I are moving in on XX/xx/xx and we will build after we move in. PUSH the issue if you want this. IF you are afraid to push the issue then I suggest you rethink the entire relationship.
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (27 January 2012):
 Bring it up next time in convo and get an honest status from him about where he is at with the plans. Dont assume anything or accuse (which im sure you wouldnt) just telling that to you. Building a house is a huge task and to do it alone financially is even more massive. Be patient, realistic, and also communicate. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Read-the-signs  +, writes (27 January 2012):
Has he got the money? Maybe not. I don't think you should move with your child to a building site. The move itself will be stressful enough for everyone. I understand that you are prepared to rough it but it's better if it's done before you go. Find out if it is the money holding it up. At least then you have your answer about whether it is his attitude or some more fundamental reason.
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