A
female
age
26-29,
*onfused...
writes:Hey i'm conflicted. You see my father left me and my mother and my older brother when we were kids. Since then we've struggled to make ends meet. But now my older brother is successful. he's an architect now. and we're living comfortably. really comfortably. suddenly my father has come back and claims he is sorry for what he did. My Brother just threw him out of our house and gave him a restraining order. was that right or wrong? he is struggling and homeless. but frankly i don't really give a damn. i'm wondering if what my brother did was right or wrong? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2011): My father left my mom and I when I was 3 weeks old. I met him 10 years ago (I pursued him) when I was 25. Obviously everyone situation is different... but my father was 19 when he left us. He was heavy into drinking and drugs. He was not ready for the responsibility. I think men and women handle these kinds of emotions differently.. for me, I have never had any ill feelings towards my father. Alot has to to with my mother, who has always said "we were just too young.." she has never said a bad word about my father, despite the fact that he never paid a penny in child support. I think in general, women tend to deal with their emotions first, where men deal with.. well, what is what everyone expects. I would never in a million years give up my father or our relationship. He is sorry for what he did. It was better that he wasn't around. It could have been so much worse...In a nutshell, and please understand what I am saying... NOBODY (not even your brother) can understand what this means to you. Nobody else is in your head. People have always said to me "how can you let that louse into your life"... blah blah blah.. nobody else is me. and nobody else is you. Follow your heart. If you want to keep in touch with your father, then DO IT. :)
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 November 2011):
 why are you wondering?
your dad magically shows up after all is well and good and he holds his hand out for help but he did NOTHING to help you as children... did NOTHING to be a dad to you.. and NOW wants everything...
if your brother got a restraining order then is it because your dad is violent or dangerous???
I am a big believer in the fact that respect has to be earned... what has your dad done to earn respect and caring?
did he respect and care for you and your brother? or your mom?
other than being a sperm donor what has dad done to be dad?
does being a sperm donor entitle him to care feeding and love?
why is he homeless? does he not work? is he an addict?
is he abusive?
I need way more info but I am betting your brother had his reasons... did you ask him?
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A
female
reader, goldie22  +, writes (19 November 2011):
Nobody here can really tell u y ur father came back.
Yes all those years ago he walked out on you and left you to fend for yourselves and that was a bad thing to do. Now he is back and homeless.saying sorry for what he did? Maby he is sorry. If it is your brothers house he is alowed to throw him out but maybe he acted hastily and didnt think? You only get one father. And 2 wrongs dont make something right again. Everybody deserves a second chance to prove they will step up to the mark and when they dont, they you send them Away
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (19 November 2011):
I have to agree with tennisstar 88. It is very convenient of your dad to turn up now you guys finally have money. There's a reason he's homeless and that usually has to do with substance abuse and/or very bad decision making. In most cases: bad news.
Sounds like he wants in on what he rejected all those years ago, not because he actually cares about you two, but because of the $$. Seems like your brother saw through that. If that's the case I don't blame your brother for his actions, even though it may be a bit harsh. Then again, your brother got a career beating the odds of living in a harsh situation caused by your father, so I think it would be reasonable to expect the dad to show he's cleaning up his act first before considering having him back in your lives. In my opinion, real fathers are those that show they are by actions, not by blood. Everyone makes mistakes yes, but the special kind is needed to become homeless.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2011): Nah your Dads just trying to steal your brothers hard earned cash. Good riddens!
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (19 November 2011):
 It is a bit suspicious of your father to turn up all of a sudden after your brother's success.
Why did he leave your mother? At least he apologized. Although whether the apology was real or not is disputable.
Why is you father homeless?
What was your brother's reasoning for throwing him out? Was your father asking for money, stealing, or doing drugs? If he was doing that, then I understand.
It sounds like your brother forgave him for walking out on you guys, took him in, then your father did something to make your brother throw him out. I'd say he was right. Then again, it is your father. And he must have done something awful or dishonest to get thrown out, right? At the end of the day, it's your brother's house he can do what he wants. Maybe he should have given your father some $ (since he has it) before tossing him out. After all he is your father, and who wants to see their father like that? I sure don't.
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