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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have a big problem. My boyfriend and I have been going out together for 2 years. We are extremely happy and always have been. We are best friends and love each other so much. To our joy I recently found out I was pregnant (unexpectadly). Now we are getting ready to settle down and wait for our new arrival. But there is something on my mind! When I told my family I was pregnant they didn't take the news very well and my parents kicked me out of their house. I had to stay in a women's hostel which was horrible. My boyfriend was there for me every step of they way. I could not take living in there anymore and a member of my family kindly took myself and my partner in so we could be together. Before moving out, my boyfirend and his mum had an arugment and pretty harsh words were exchanged. I wasn't there and didn't know what was said until my boyfriend told me. Later that day, I had a phone call from my boyfriend's sister threatening me for no reason whatsoever. I let it go over my head because I had a lot more important thimgs to worry about at that time. Later my boyfriend went around to his sister's house to take some belongings of his mum's he accidentally picked up. Whilst he was there, his sister told him she was going to hit me and make sure my baby didn't survive. She also asked him to choose me and the baby or her and his mum. He chose me and I felt responsible in a way even though I had nothing to do with it. When my boyfriend told me what she had said about my child, I was so angry, how could she say that? She had no right. I was devastated! Later in the week she rang up my boyfreind and appologised for what she had said; for me this wasn't enough! I was feeling very bitter towards her. I didn't tell my boyfriend how I was feeling because I didn't want to put him in the middle. Eventually it ate away at me and I told my boyfriend I don't want his sister to see my baby or myself ever again. (I never asked him to stop seeing her.) He was OK with this until recently. He told me he wants her to come to the hospital when my baby is born and be full in her life. I don't want that. I don't want somebody in my child's life who threatened to kill her! I hate his sister and I have seen her briefly since this happened. I was civil for my boyfriend. I have tried to let it go, but how can you? I get on well with all his family except her. I hate her for what she said. I have tried to forgive and forget but it makes me angry to think about her in any way! I know if my boyfriend tells her I don't want her in my child's life she will cause a big family argument and I will be in the firing line. I worry it may cause us to break up. She has children of her own and I would never wish anything bad upon them. Am I being stubborn or do I have the right? I'm really stuck and I'm due to give birth in a matter of weeks. Do I hold my tongee to have a peaceful life? I'm worried she will come between my and my boyfriend. Thank you for any advice. I really need some!! xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): I cannot believe your story. You are about to give birth you shouldn't have to be dealing with this kind of drama! You need to take charge. This IS your right. It is your baby and your family and you have EVERY reason to dislike this woman and not want her in yours or your baby's life. I don't care who it is if its his best friend, his sister, his mother, or his neighbor. If you don't want them around, than he better be respectful of your wishes. What she said is unforgivable. I would never want to see her again. In fact, I would probably give him a hard time if he ever saw her.
A
female
reader, miss e  +, writes (19 March 2008):
I'm sorry Pops + but what the hell are you talkin bout? his family seem like arseholes, i agree with her on everything excuse you a minute...but she is the one who has had it hardest kicked out by her own family for godsake.
Sorry don't be civil to someone who wanted your baby dead i mean i'm a major league bitch...but even i wouldn't stoop that low as a person...i hate my boyfriends sister too eww she is sooo fugly and makes me feel ill she needs a god damn makeover all i can say is the mere sight of her makes me feel like my retinas have received a beast raping...get revenge even if it seems stupid it will give you giggle and believe me the rush of revenge there's nothing quite like it, it makes you feel high.
Stick a potato in their car exhaust simple but effective...oh and make sure their standing behind it also, i went for smashing the head off her Bon Jovi figurine my beau got her for Christmas when i was there he spent more money on her than me i was furious I AM more important than her, i spent lots of money on a guitar for him in the past, and he promised me a necklace for our anniversary but did i get it NO. I love his Mum but the Dad what an oddball she is a total horror i wish she would disppear up her own asshole.
God i am so angry thinking about it.
Anyway smash one of her posessions if you can when i did it to her statue it was exhilerating.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): I hate my boyfriends sister too the bitch, but i can get even with that little bitch later...sorry but sometimes hatred and bitchiness are necessary...I hope that you're boyfriend isn't a mummy's boy for your sake sweetheart oh yeah don't forget...rvenge is best when it's served cold.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2006): Dear anonymous
If you only knew I have the same problem with my boyfriend and his sister, His sister is totally obnoxious I would probably spend days having to write everything shes done to me, the advice i could give you is dont talk bad about anyone he loves because its all going to becaome your fault, And thats what his family wants is for you to be the bad one. Just have your baby and if you dont want to let them see him/her (your baby) talk to him about it in a decent way, he will probably understand you, but dont keep your mouth shut if you have to say something say it (its freedom of speech)!!!!!!!!
Good Luck and best wishes to you and your baby
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A
female
reader, Delila +, writes (19 September 2005):
What will happen.
Here is my prediction- you will hold on to this bone as if your life depended on it. Gnawing at it every day. You will drive yourself mad but will still carry on. Every day you will still be saying "how could she say that about my baby?" you will rant and you will rave. Your boyfriend will cover his ears! Then you will have your baby, it will all go beautifully and then all your anger will melt away. His parents will come to see their new grandchild and you will be the best in the world. Your parents will come in and croon over their grandchild, which I also predict (if I may take the liberty of doing so) will be a girl. Then the new aunts and uncles will come in and hug you both and give the baby presents.
Then you will be a family.
Have no fear!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2005): Let go of this adversity. Your life will only be different if you change ad learn to be forgiving. No one else can make or break your life. Yes-your bf's sister was wrong to do what she did, but how long do you want this to carry on? She has apologized for her stupidity and vindictiveness and she knows she was "way out of line". She can't go back and change what she said. If she could-she would. So-let this go. When you hang onto this 'grudge', you are shortchanging yourself and your baby from experiencing some meaningful family love and support. And with a new baby, you may come to appreciate their support, in helping you and the new baby. Put your energies into building a positive relationship with his sister-this will mean you are being responsible for making your own life better & happier. It is a two way street when we are dealing with each other. So, let's all try to get on the same street and walk in respect for ourselves and each other. Good luck and be happy
Hugs,
Irish
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A
reader, schlottjl  +, writes (18 September 2005):
 Okay, I have been here and let me tell you, if you want to continue with your boyfriend, a lot of bad feelings are yet to be felt. Here is the thing;
You can insist that the hot tempered witch be punished for her ranting that she might really regret (or not but she did apologize...) or you can look like the coolest person and have all who hear of the incident think highly of you and possibly eventually even laugh at this with a close sister in law someday.
It might be impossible to imagine but even if you never like her, if you want him you should at least love him. Love is an act of self sacrifice sometimes. That is that you should think about his feelings too. Imagine the split you are asking for. Is saving face and showing your not going to take it worth forever him subconsciously hating you? Even if he tries not to, is some spot in our hearts, rejecting family is rejecting you. Also, I hate to say it but, we as humans tend to hate others that most resemble our weakest parts. I could almost bet that your impulsive side and his sister's impulsive side can or has wrecked your lives in some (even small ways.)
She freaked out, was totally in the wrong and instead of letting her hang there looking the idiot, you joined her and spread the blame so she did not have to face it all alone.
For whatever reason, she feels scared or miserable with her brother loving you. She threatened you but not to your face which to me says that she is a tantrum thrower. Tantrum throwers are usually horrified with themselves later when they calm down. They certainly would prefer that the focus of their tantrum never learn of the incident.
Which brings me to your boyfriend. It is very unwise and immature to tell others of what threats and hateful words were coming from a non-thinking giant baby. Ask why he felt the need to tell you. No good could ever come from it unless he has been wanting to cut ties with his family and run away. Does he enjoy the ladies in his life fighting over him? That would be a situation that will be bad, even for or especially for the baby.
So, suck it up and maybe even schedule a counseling appt for you and you bf and maybe in the future all of you so that you don't make a bad situation worse. And who knows what he was telling them. What if, since they are tough to please, he blamed you for a short coming and unintentionally poisoned their view of you?
In my case, I suddenly had hysterical sisters bursting into my home to pack my S... MY HOME. one called me vial names for about 2 hours straight until I committed my first and last violent act of my life and slapped to bejesus out of her.
That was four years ago and now, while we never fully made a complete comeback, at family dinners you can find us joking in the corner and having a great time. In my case, they had been pushing for a family trip and were not taking no. He had stomach probs and didn't want to go. After much begging I THE IDIOT gave him permission to use me as an excuse and he did.
Sometimes benign lies to stop a mobbing of tearfully, pushy gals is enough of a spark to turn the tide against you. Add time and a few odd occurrences that looked bad and I would have built a case against me too. Who knows what your bf's family thinks if you never put yourself into a humble position and at least try to see if there has been a major misunderstanding that has been growing unchecked.
In fact, if you decide to make it right with them and gain the admiration of many who understand your feelings, go to them and act as if.... as if it suddenly dawned on you that there had to be more to it or that somehow you were misinformed.
Give them the opportunity to wiggle out and you are mature enough to be a mom. Sulk and claim the moral authority to destroy his family and lose a maturity point. If you choose to make it better, you will begin to feel the hate dissipate. If you can't I pity the baby when she comes home that first time in tears because (s)he was unfairly teased. Practice now so when (s)he unloads on you your ready to be compassionate and not embarrass her because your still fuming long after the kids are off playing.
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A
reader, pops +, writes (17 September 2005):
I would say you're being more than stubborn: you are being a brat. Your bf doesn't need this. Grow up. What his sister said to you was absolutely awful, but it is the kind of thing women say when they are really angry. What you are doing to her( and to him) is equally awful. This is his family. His support system, if everything else falls apart. He is trying to make a life with you and the baby. Cut him some slack. That doesn't mean you have to take warm showers with his sister and invite her to your home for tea every afternoon, but you can be civil to her, and attend family gatherings. You can let her know, PRIVATELY, how hurt you were as the result of her threats, and that it will be a long time before you can trust her. Tell your bf you are going to tell her, so he knows, and he can support you. But leave it on a personal level between the two of you. You should not be surprised that some members of his family may think you let yourself get pregnant in order to " trap " their brother/son. As they get to know you better, that attitude will drift with the wind. Don't shut his family out, and give them the time to learn to like you. For his sake, and for the sake of your baby, who can't choose his parents, much less his other relatives.
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