A
female
age
26-29,
joodblu
writes: I'm having a case here, 26 he 33 I am pregnant , almost ready to have the baby and my boyfriend has pretty much been doing this since day 1, I found his "stash" just recently , and this has been the worst time of my life , along with just moving to another state , I found some stuff on his external hard drive, some pics were of another girl, and some were of him masturbating, some home video clips of this act as well.And the rest ( wich had been in his cd holder case the whole time) out here just a few days ago, my heart is heavy , I don't know what to do , I can't talk to him either, he likes to turn it around on me .Before getting pregnant we got in a fight because of his temper, and how he disrespects me ,we broke up, and I was talking to an old friend, my old friend wanted to talk dirty , i stopped him because i love my boyfriend , and even though we were broken up, it was acouple of days and we lived in the same house, it would'nt of been easy to move on so quickly. Any way he brings that up, and amplifies it to his defense, and I mean I come home from work and the web cam was obviously being used and he blows up if I lightly mention the change of it's position, the pictures I found showed OUR bed and OUR shower It hurts so bad but I'm this far along and I'm not sure what to do.
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female
reader, sexy12  +, writes (31 May 2008):
well why don't you just ask him were he lives then go around his house and ask him how he's been and ask him if he wants to be in a serious relationship and if he does ask him if it is going to lead to somewhere
good luck
chloe fry
A
female
reader, Fade878  +, writes (5 October 2007):
 Hey Roscoe,
Thank you for sharing. *hugs*
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A
male
reader, roscoe +, writes (5 October 2007):
Hi, I've been where your partner is and though this in no way excuses his behaviour, it's a pretty sorry state to be in. Like me he needs to admit to himself that it is a problem and unacceptable. Once he's doen this, there is help out there! Men turn to porn often because they have a need for something. Porn and the associated act(s) masks the gap and gives some relief from what's troubling them! With me it was the loss of my mother whom I didn't greive for properly! Porn etc masked the hurt I was feeling and made me feel better on a certain level! I saw a councillor and together we identified what the problem was. I re-visited the grief and pain... and that was no fun, but I managed to get through it! Your bloke needs to seek help! I wish you well! *Hug* to you both!
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A
female
reader, Fade878 +, writes (4 October 2007):
If this man is willing to admit he has a pornography/sex/masterbation addiction and if is willing to overcome it- I think you could have a start to having a health adult relationship.
He has to be commit to joining an Addictions Recovery Program. I happen to know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has a free program.
The Alcoholics Anonymous has this as their 12-steps:
The heart of the suggested program of personal recovery is contained in Twelve Steps describing the experience of the earliest members of the Society:
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Newcomers are not asked to accept or follow these Twelve Steps in their entirety if they feel unwilling or unable to do so.
~ taken from their website: http://www.aa.org.au/factfile/fact_file_twelve_steps.php?nav=mb
This is the danger of pornography. It entices and ensares and alters people's priorities. Marriage, Families should be the priorities.
Not surfing for porn, masterbation, and trolling for cam sex. This isn't healthy or normal.
Just because more and more people practice it and succumb to the world of pornography DOES NOT make it NORMAL.
Normal, healthy functioning Adults who put their partners first do not find pornography or masterbation/sex as a means to further their loving and trust based relationship.
I feel for you Sweetie.
If he does not want to see it for what it is- he will not be a good, loving and supportive influence in your life and in your baby's life.
You need to make a personal rule:
I will not have a relationship with a man who does not put me and our children First.
I will not be in a relationship with a man who has an addiction that takes his energy, support, love away from me and my family.
I will not be taken for granted.
I deserve a man who understands that intamacy does not mean sex and it does not include pornography or other destructive "reacreations".
I wish you all the best.
Please get some individual counselling so you have someone who will let you talk and sort things out and who is a support to you. Who will help you gain perspective and remind you that when you love and respect yourself-you will find a man who will love and respect you as well.
*hugs*
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A
male
reader, rcn + ♥, writes (4 October 2007):
 He has absolutely no defense. His actions alone, if it was me, he and his web cam would be gone. How can he justify his defense. A guy offers for some dirty talk, you turn him down, and your man has all these pictures and graphic images of himself, and he's saying it's OK because you turned down this guys offer. Come on. Where is Bill Engval when you need him to tell your boyfriend "HERE'S YOUR SIGN".
You have a baby homing. This environment with his behavior is not the environment suitable for a child. What's going to happen? Is he going to be watching the baby crawling on the floor as he sits there and wackes off to web cam. I'm sorry, but his behavior goes way beyond behaviors that will give you a healthy relationship. He's completely in the wrong. When someone is doing that and tries to change the story to being your fault. You have to stop them in their tracks. Such as "I'm going to my room now, come and get me when you're ready to talk about this. And have an answer ready that makes sense of why you believe your actions are my fault."
He needs some serious help. Looking at it from this side, I would be planning my future as a single parent. Between his anger and porn fetish, I can see the problems your child will be growing up with.
Many issues over time can be worked out between couples. The difficulty is having children. When children are involved, the length of time to take action severely decreases. One of your major roles as a parent is to assure a positive environment for your child to grow. I know it's tough making these decisions expecting a child. I'm a single parent as well. I was in a abusive relationship where I was the one being abused. My daughter, now 8, moving on and raising her alone has made a huge impact on her behavior. She use to try to control as well, she was depress a lot, and angry. Now she's happy. I've been complimented on how much happier she is. It's not just about us as parents, it's about providing to your child.
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A
male
reader, Uncle_Phil +, writes (4 October 2007):
 If you're in a position to either get rid of this jerk or leave him, that's what you need to do.
Can you move back in with your parents, perhaps? I really hope so, because you're going to need a heck of a lot of support very soon, and he doesn't sound like the kind of man that can give it to you.
You really don't need this crap at this moment in time.
Phil
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