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My boyfriends family does not like me, what do I do?

Tagged as: Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 September 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 7 September 2010)
A female United States age 26-29, *hellbell592 writes:

I am having the same problem, im 18 and have been with my boyfriend 6 years, since 7th grade. we are deeply in love and happy together. we've had a lot of ups and downs considering the fact that we only have been with eachother. his family for some reason does not like me.. two days ago, his grandma was in the car with me him and his mom and she said that his dad told her that i barge into the house without knocking, ---which was not true, i am so scared to even walk in their house let alone barge right in.. and that i also sleep over whenever i feel like, i am over 24/7...she said that im a burden to his family basically.

today his aunt commented on his facebook status that said "taking my girlfriend out, she is the most amazing girl in the world" and his aunt commented saying eww get this shit off facebook... and i said something, because after taking the annoying abuse for so long, im going to say something, if my boyfriend wont.

i dont know what to do. should i end it now and find someone who will respect my feelings and stick up for me when his family says something, and tryy to set boundaries if anything were to happen, or should i stick with what i have and get over the fact that his family OBVIOUSLY does not like me..???

help!! what do i do!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2010):

I can totally understand you. I felt very similar, with now my husbands family. It is very humiliating, and degrading. Sadly ,many relationship gets destroyed by that. Im very curious, what do you think why do they have a problem with you? Is there a class difference? Or is it hard to know? I know it will be very hard for your boyfriend to do anything about this,because he will have to get in conflict with this whole family. It would be great ,if you could try to find out ,why is this hate thing going on. And if you can't resolve it, you might have to leave. As it could be a lifelong misery, if he is not going to do anything about it. Good luck!

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A female reader, misfitschik66 Canada +, writes (7 September 2010):

misfitschik66 agony aunti have the exact same problem my fiance's family hated me when i first showed up in the picture they thought i was not good enough for their son (his mom in particular) his step brother said some nasty things to him about me on facebook and his sister told his dad i was a bad influence on him because i had a tattoo, his dad called and told him to stay away from me

this was right in front of me too he told his dad that he doesn't know me and has no right to talk that way about me i met his father the next day and he LOVED me

his mother and i got into it one night and my fiance told his her to "f off" and leave me alone and we drove home(which is an hour away) without saying goodbye

i didn't end up going to his moms house or talking to her for a few months

since he has proposed to me his mom hates it(she was honestly in denial when he showed her my ring) she thinks he is wasting his life and he is too young to be involved seriously with someone

his sister says that he should finish his school first and party more before he settles down she also wants him to move back to their city(which i refuse to do)

i had had enough of them talking "shit" about me and our relationship so i told him to fix it of i will and it would not be pretty

he told them he is marrying me and they can't do anything about it

if he loves you then DO NOT let them interfere in your relationship this is YOURS and HIS relationship not theirs and if they don't like it they can bugger off

ask him to say something if he doesn't THEN rethink the relationship

don't just end it in the assumption that because they don't like you then it won't work because it will if he can be a man and stand up to his family

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A female reader, answerfromtheheart United States +, writes (7 September 2010):

answerfromtheheart agony auntI'm in the same boat as you. I'm fighting for the relationship and want him to stand up to his family.

But I think if I don't see that there is any progress, I will probably end the relationship. I'm afraid that even though he loves me, the pressure of his family's disapproval will break us up in the future.

If I were in your place, together with your boyfriend sit down and talk to his mother, because she is the closest person to him. You should start talking and tell her straight: "I love your son ever since 7th grade. He loves me. But it hurts me to feel that you do not approve of me or our relationship. Have I done something to deserve your disapproval?"

He will be there as a back up. If you see that he does not defend you in front of his mother, and does not let her know that he is unhappy that she has been treating you badly, and that he loves you and wants you in his life (although honestly I'm not sure if 18 year old boy is capable of saying such things to his mother) But you should see how it goes. What she says to you, how he defends you, if he defends you.

If you see that he cares for you enough to go against his mother's wishes he's worth fighting for.

See what she tells you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2010):

the first and foremost thing u got to do is--

ask ur bf about it,wot he has to say about it!he surely knows all things. ask him wot he has to say about this all.Let him give u all excuses and explainations. ask him clearly- "m i meant for such things?" and "what according to u shud i do?" and then after his replies u can think ahead.

if he favours u, ask him- wot next!?!

n if he does not, then choice is urs, if u r ready to stake ur all life accept these all!

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