A
female
age
26-29,
*ustnicky
writes:my boyfriend of 3 years is addicted to porn, and he has asked me to help him quit. how can i help him? are there any hotlines i can have him call, or a meeting he can attend? i told him if there is a class and he doesnt want to attend it alone i will go with as support. please do you have any advice or information that can help me. one more thing. he doesn't want to be sent away to rehab or anything of the sort because we are expecting a baby boy and he wants to be there for our son and i. please help
View related questions:
addicted to porn, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, justnicky +, writes (1 May 2011):
justnicky is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks for all the answers. to YouWish: we are living together. and have been for the past 6 months. i actually sisn't know he was even looking at porn. which brings me to answer another thing from hurtbutstronger: our sex life is very and i mean very active. there should have been no reason for the porn. but its there and i have to accept it because its a part of him.
A
female
reader, justnicky +, writes (1 May 2011):
justnicky is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for all the answers. to YouWish: we are living together. and have been for the past 6 months. i actually sisn't know he was even looking at porn. which brings me to answer another thing from hurtbutstronger: our sex life is very and i mean very active. there should have been no reason for the porn. but its there and i have to accept it because its a part of him.
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (1 May 2011):
 It can't be done immediately. It will take time and there is little doubt he will fail more than once before he finally succeeds but as long as he is trying, there is hope. He made a good choice in telling you and going to you for help. What he needs to do is set a goal, a small goal and eventually expand upon it. For example, he has to make it through one day without looking at porn and then a week and then two weeks and so on and so on. If he is willing, he can do all of it without ever looking at porn again. If he is addicted, no doubt he has made excuses just so he could look at porn, now he has to make excuses to not look at it, he needs to distract himself and keep himself active. If he feels that urge, encourage him to go out and shop for things or encourage him to exercise. If he is to do this, someone will need to keep an eye on him. Good luck.
I hope that helps.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 May 2011):
 That's really great that you want to help him. My hats off to your boyfriend for recognizing and wanting to be free from an addiction.
You never mentioned anything about the living arrangements you have (living together or separated), but if he wants you to help, you can build a phalanx of safeguards against temptation.
Biggest source is the internet. You could put a lock on his computer like NetNanny that will block out porn sites. If he really wants you to help, you could also put in a keylogger program that will email you details of what's being typed, searched, or browsed as well as any IM or chat room conversations.
Next would be cable TV. With his permission, you could lock the adult programming, even going so far as to hide the titles. Put in a code only you would know.
I would also suggest the meetings, but I'd go beyond that and have him schedule a couple of visits to the therapist, as the withdrawl will be hard to tolerate alone.
Finally, believe it or not, you are his key to success. All that sexual energy he was spending on porn will be still there. I know you're pregnant, but you'll want to fill in that gap some with increased sex for starters. That will ease it some.
Also, be understanding and help him get back on the wagon if despite your efforts, he slips up. Try not to get angry or blame him, as it's one of the hardest addictions to break. He will have to carry it for the rest of his life. That temptation will always be there, waiting for a moment of weakness.
Good luck to both of you!
...............................
|
