A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Can you help me...last week i found on a camera a recording of a girl getting dressed in front of a window, my boyfriend had been standing in her garden watching her. He did this about three years before we got together and told me he was depressed at the time and did not know what he was doing. It has disgusted me, we are getting married next year, i love him so much but i am confused.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): I do think you need to make sure this is not something that he is doing. Bit too weird I think, a bit sick really and he is lucky he did not get arrested. He behaved like a peeping tom and kept a record of it! Not right. I personally think you should make sure this is not something which is going to happen again and that he is all fixed before you marry. I do not consider his excuse that at the time he was depressed, personally I don't consider this to be a reason for that type of behaviour.
Make sure you know who you are marrying.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2007): That's weird. It sucks that you have to judge him based on something he did before he was with you the problem is that his behavior is not normal, whatsoever.
I mean think of how you would feel if you knew that some strange guy was videotaping you getting undressed??! That's bizarre. Chances are that any woman would want to kill him and her boyfriend would definitely want to kill him too.
I was at a dressing room one time at a store and there was only a curtain that left a little bit of peep area. And I looked up and saw a guy staring straight through at me. He didn't even flinch. I got so scared. I was a teenager. I didn't know how to react. Then I got so ANGRY. I put my clothes on in a hurry and when I walked out he had left.
If it happened to me now, I would have made him go to jail. If I was that girl I would call the police right now and make sure your bf goes to jail. You don't do that. He is disgusting. I hate him. I wouldn't marry him if you paid me.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (28 November 2007):
 Hi. I can understand you are confused and disgusted. Voyeurism is just another sexual variance. Secret filming indicates his interest is very high. How we judge which sexual practices are OK and which ones aren't tends to be by the effect they have on others. So in this case it's against the law. Which means if he continues, sooner or later he will get caught, taken to court, be in local papers and maybe some national papers who like these stories. If you are his wife, you will share some of the effects of his behaviour.
You need to be aware of the risk. Seek reassurance from him. Choose to believe it or not. And then come to a judgement based on your own personality.
Sorry to put it so bluntly, but that's how I see it. Others, I am sure will provide more emotional guidance.
Good luck
Richard
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (28 November 2007):
 Hi,
Was he actually charged with this crime?. If he was it would be easy to find out how far he has gone.
I would find out the truth before you marry him. He may well have been depressed, but what does that have to do with him spying on another person. Thats not really normal behaviour is it?.
I hope you dont make any hasty decisions.
Take care XX
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