A
female
age
41-50,
*adeyes
writes:My boyfriend of a year has just broken up with me stating he does not love me. He said he just doesn't feel the same way for me as I do for him. He was having problems sexually and I don't know if this is having a bearing on things. Anyway, he has said he wants us just to be friends as he loves me as a friend and can't bear the thought of me not being in his life, so he wants us to be exactly as we are but without the sex side. I just don't know if this is a good idea, I love him but don't want to sell myself short either. I feel in my heart he does feel the same way as me and just don't know why he is doing this. Can anyone help? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): This is the bit that confuses me sweetheart, I can only think it could be either a sexual problem that he canot deal with, or his sexuality hun, I really dont like saying these things to you as I feel like Im hurting you more...He misses you he want to meet with you he misses your company, But no sex it is very confusing love. Only he can really explain whats going on love I really feel for you sweetheart please take care WITH LOTS OF LOVE AND HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A
female
reader, sadeyes +, writes (6 April 2008):
sadeyes is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey
Dont know if i have been clear or not,when he says exactly as we are but without sex side it means no longer as a couple and no kissing/sexual side at all.He means friends and that is it,so should I walk away or not?Do guys really want friendships?
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A
female
reader, sadeyes +, writes (6 April 2008):
sadeyes is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Laura,So do you think then that I am not reading too much into it and kidding myself or do you think he is in love with me?I suppose I really want an honest bold opinion if I am kidding myself on and seeing what I want and he has made it quite clear that he sees me as friend only,so is trying to hold onto it just going to hurt me?Someone pls help
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (6 April 2008):
 Hi,
ED is treatable and should not be a problem.He should go and consult a doctor.
There should be no shame and many men suffer from ED.
It could also be due to too much stress or pressure from work at that age or just a temporary situation.
Maybe when the stress is gone , he will be able to perform again.
Get him to take plenty of rest, eat healthy food and exercise.
He lacks confidence and you need to be gentle and patient with him until he is ready again.
Whatever he told you , just accept it for you know his heart has not changed.
What he told you is like an buying an insurance.
You are aware of what you are getting into a relationship with him and you take the risk.
By accepting his perspective, you do not give him any undue pressures.
He can feel relaxed with you and in time ,
your feelings will go back to the same level.
Continue to being friends with him and pretend like nothing
happened and you will develop closer rapport again in time.
Your love will help him recover .
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008): I no hunny I really feel for you, Hopefully he will realise and talk with you, You can only hope sweetheart TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, sadeyes +, writes (30 March 2008):
sadeyes is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for that Mandy,I dont even know what I would do if he did call me,cos I think I am only going to hurt myself more if he does just want to be my friend,but then again think maybe if we spend time together we will go back to way we were,or should I just walk away from it.I feel if he is genuinely in love with me bu the male ego being what it is and he cant bear the embarrssment of failing sexually is going to let him ruin what we have it makes me really sad
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008): Hunny
All you can do is wait, And see what happens. He will need time if it has to do with the sexual problems and if he does not want you out of his life then he will be intouch, I sent you a link if I remember correctly and he could have depression at this moment and not no which way to turn..My thoughts are with you hunny TAKE CARE WITH LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, sadeyes +, writes (30 March 2008):
sadeyes is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell,I last saw my ex on Tuesday when we had lunch and he reconfirmed to me that he is not in love with me and only wants us to be friends.Since Tuesday I have heard nothing from him and am disappointed as I thought as a friend he would have been in touch.I am not in denial as the relationship wasnt plain sailing,however I genuinely think he has ended it by saying he is not in love with me so that i will accept it as final,when really I think he has ended it because of the sexual problems,as he feels he cannot offer me anything more while he is unable to perform sexually.Any advice on where to go from here|???
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): Hi Hunny
I did think he may be having thoughts along the lines of his sexual preference...Its a tough one as you cant just come out and ask him he will get really defensive, I agree with Tisha & Gena you do need to talk but you also need to focus on you hunny as your self esteem can take a big blow from all this Im sending you another link for you to help you sort out things that may be racing around your head...
http://www.womensselfesteem.com/index.html
I hope this can help you love, its there if you need it TAKE CARE WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (28 March 2008):
 If you can accept a relationship with him on a purely platonic level, then do stay friends with him. If it is going to cause you anguish and pain, maybe it would be best for you to distance yourself from him for the time being. I'm sure he feels terrible about hurting you, and should understand if you need time away from him.
Refocus your energies on the other people in your life, family and friends, for a bit while you allow the natural mourning period following a break up to run its course.
He may have sexual orientation issues that he needs to deal with, he may have other medical issues that need seeing to, who knows. Speculation here is probably just wasting precious time, as long as he is trying to work things out for himself and you two have ended the romantic part of the relationship, it really doesn't matter.
Focus on taking care of yourself now.
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A
female
reader, sadeyes +, writes (28 March 2008):
sadeyes is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh God,that had crossed my mind,however would be eaier for me to accept it was over if i thought that really was the case,but think it has more to do with his sexual problems...the male ego and all that
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A
female
reader, Gena Bullock +, writes (28 March 2008):
 It sounds like he might be 'gay'....and just figured it out after having been with you for a while. Guys like that love having girls as friends/best friends. He needs to know you'll be there for him. So be a friend and talk, talk, talk. You may find I'm right.
Don't push him into admitting anything. Hint around after a while and see if it comes out. He still may be trying to 'find himself' in all of this.
Be gentle and still love him. It is tough times.....Gena
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A
female
reader, sadeyes +, writes (28 March 2008):
sadeyes is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for that,I have asked him if he has ended it because of the ED,and he is adamant he didn't,he understands he has a problem but,he didnt even know his problem had a name until I mentioned it.I just dont know if I should cut all ties or if I can actually cope having him just as a friend.Does anyone think i should just walk away completely?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): Hi Hunny
Maybe the pressure of the sexual problems were getting to him causing him great distress hunny, So he thought the best way out was to finish it and continue as friends, He cant bare the thought of not having you in his life, This doesnt sound like a man who has fallen out of love. Ill send you some links on Erectile dysfunction and the depression it can cause and hopfully this may help your situation..
http://www.malehealth.co.uk/userpage1.cfm?item_id=129
I hope this can help hunny and you can sort through these problems TAKE CARE WITH LOTS OF LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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