A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Today, my new boyfriend, told me what he thought about my personality. He told me I was superficial, have no personality, hide my emotions and so many other negative things. It hurt and now I can't stop thinking about it. Six months ago I ended a very bad and mentally and emotionally abusive relationship which had gone on for two years. Since being "set free from my bad relationship" I feel so confused about who I am and I feel that my spirit has been broken. I no longer cry but I don't know myself and I feel sad and insecure most of my days. Could my new boyfriend be right about me? I feel broken but I don't want to show him but some or other way he saw through it and let me know. I have to work through my past relationship issues but I don't know how to do it and still keep my new boyfriend who seems to be a good guy.Any small advice would be really appreciated since I feel my time is running out for a happy relationship in my life.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2007): i've been accused of having no personality before. the first time made me want to jump off my dorm. that probably would have hurt pretty bad and been a hassle - so i just dealt with it.
i think negativity like that can be a good teaching tool but it obviously doesn't feel good. of course sex feels good and that can be great but it can also lead to unwanted pregnancy and stds.
doesn't everyone have a personality? people have told me things and treated me in ways that really hurt and were crippling. i've since realized that it seems better to stay humble, open minded, and roll with it. we have gifts, talents, drive, and can make choices with those tools.
find your inner ninja and control your own level of peace and well being.
there are probably reasons why people are mean - like the trickle effect. we don't always know what those reasons are. but you could find out if you care to ask and achieve understanding. or you can just be like - see ya douche bag. sometimes people like that just need to have their asses kicked and they'll snap out of it. if it's unacceptable...it's unacceptable
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2007): having been in a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship in the past, i can relate directly to this. the relationship ended a few years ago(lasting about a year), but only recently did i realise that it still affects me. i broke down at a friend's house a few weeks ago, and immediately he linked it to this relationship, i'd never realised how lingering the effects could be.my ex helped me realise a few months ago that i lack in personality and i hide my emotions, and i still fight against the things that i suffered in that relationship years ago, the main one being that i'd never managed to win an argument against him; nowadays i can't back down out of an argument because i dread the feelings i always had with him, inferiority and unworthiness. i allowed him to blame everything on me, so i refuse to take the blame nowadays. i was always the sorry one, so i hate to say i'm sorry and admit i was wrong.if you want to stay with this boyfriend, you need to tell him about that relationship, make him understand why you react like you do, why you may come across as being how he's described you to be. if you want a relationship with him and he wants one with you, get him to help you out of the problems enforced on you by this past relationship. maybe you have been 'broken' by this relationship, but in that case, shouldn't a caring boyfriend, seeing these problems want to help you mend yourself?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2007): Oh my..did he tell you those exact words? Or, did you interpret something else he said to you, as such? I guess I am having a hard time understanding why a new bf in your life, would be so cruel. This in itself was abusive, so if he did use those words as you describe..I think that his behaviors might tell you what type of personality and character he has. And yes, I would agree--it would've caused you deep pain.
You will only believe these words, if you allow yourself to believe them. I think you are a female who needs to stop trying to get love and approval from insensitive, uncaring, unfeeling, self-centered males. There are many fantastic , caring men out there who would never have dreamed of saying such a thing to you. This bf could be a 'blight' in your future and because of your past relationships you have reacted in a all to typical way, that many females do. They blame thesmselves. Women who do this, find safer than putting the blame where it really belongs rather than getting pissed off, and taking a stand and risking loss to becoming a new 'healthier' woman, who won't stand for abuse. I want you to believe in your right to be treated with respect and please...stop with this "it must be me' syndrome of handling someones else's inappropriate behaviors. You are making the most common mistake so many down trodden females do in bad relationships...they allow his lousey actions and words to be connected to her self-worth.
Ask yourself...do you really want a guy in your life who would do this? Many of us would have said to a guy like your bf 'You sir, are a creep and a jerk!' (and probably a few other colorful phrases) So now keep telling yourself "I am a beautiful, loveable, good woman" and after you do that, really ask yourself "Do I want this kind of man in my life..one who takes me down". No. You don't do you, dear. Become strong, respect who you are and become a woman who is mature, positive and need no one's approval. Good luck, dear and I wish you the best
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A
female
reader, gloriawk55  +, writes (11 August 2007):
 Yes, when in the world are you going to believe, what is that species called agan? Oh, right, males.Why are you believing him. Most men are idiots. If he thinks youy are like that, tell him to find the door. You deserve better. Do something you like, such as sports or going to the movies, or to a dance. AGive it all you got. hen you will find someone that likes the things you do. Then, if they call you that, tell them they must be looking in a mirror. Don't believe them!
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A
female
reader, Butterflyfly  +, writes (11 August 2007):
 Hello.. people will always say things to you, good and bad, out of spite or to help you. Obviously this guy doesn't really give 2 pennies on you and how you feel if he's constructed such a negative image of you. Could it be that he is upset or hurt by you somehow? But let's get back to you. You really are what you think you are. You;re feeling very hurt and confused and nobody can just jump at your throat and criticise oyou like that. Please remember that you need mending and love from yourself, and give yourself time to heal, and realy, what others think about you isnt worth too much. i am sure there are people outthere in your circle or some that you havent yet met that would have a far beter picture of you. stick with those ones and remember to not neglect your feelings.. All the best xxx
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