A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is a really nice, genuine guy and everything is really good between us except one thing. He has this really annoying habit of interrupting me when I'm speaking. He has a very long-winded way of speaking and I always let him have his say fully and completely before saying anything but he interrupts me almost as soon as I open my mouth and that annoys me so much that I often end up not saying what I meant to say. I haven't told him how much this bothers me because it might hurt him and he might become too conscious while speaking to me and I don't want that to happen. Besides, we've only been together 4-5 months. I faced the same problem with my ex and I could just snap at him and tell him to shut up and let me have my say but I can't do that yet with my current boyfriend. I really think this comes in the way of a good, heart-to-heart conversation and this upsets me. In fact, I sometimes prefer to communicate through text messages because he can't cut me short in that medium. What should I do?
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female
reader, ladyadvice  +, writes (25 September 2019):
 I have the same issue!! I am 60 and he's 61 so he ought to be self aware by now; but talks in length and great detail about the war history planes maps etc, the thing I am not in the slightest bit interested he has male friend for that, also he doesn't let me speak until he's finished; but that is often half hour at a time or more at times!! I don't get the same amount of 'listening time' from him; the only time its a 'remotely equal' conversation is if its about families; or some interest that we share...........even then he talks far more than I do.....oh and he talks all through a film even one that hes chosen!!! its soooooooooo frustrating.I've trying just putting my hand on his arm or raise my hand to talk even. I like to think I speak my mind but I'm at a total loss............my son said to me 'Mum you just have to have the awkward conversation but don't berate or criticise him; just say you'd enjoy it far more if it were a conversation you could share, or have your turn'.....that is after all what a conversation is!! Harder to do than say... I haven't done it yet...they don't even know we are struggling with it most likely! men are not always good at picking up signals so we have to be upfront! Christine ps Good luck to both of us!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2012): I have a husband like that and I live with him more than 20 years. He also is a story teller and very much detaill oriented when he talks. He also starts from so far that no one really gets why is he talking about a subject until few minutes later he actually gets to it.He also interrupts me, especially when other people are around, and we work together so you can imagine when I m trying to talk to a customer and he is right there saying his own thing.Sometimes I feel that I can never finish what i want to say, because he has always something to say while I'm talking, sometimes not even relevant to what I m saying.Well I have bad news for you, it's not a habit, it's a manner how these people talk, that's how they grew up, that's how their parents talked in a family, and there is nothing you can do about it. I was not brave enough to talk with him about it until few years into the marriage. He did get better , but just a little.For example, his stories are still very detailed, but he tries to get to the point a little sooner than before. After I raised my voice in front of a customer, after making several attempts to ask her a questions, and failed because my husband would talk to her at the same time, he started being more cautious and tries very hard not to interrupt me at least when I m working.When I stop him in a middle of a long long story and ask him to cut to the point, he at least doesn't get upset anymore and does it. So there is some improvement.But that happens when we are alone, when we are around other people I can't make any comments as I don't want to look like a nagging bitch, plus I don't want to embarrass him. And if I don't stop him, he goes on and on and on. Also when we are T the party and he has a few, forget it. I just can't stand it and try to mingle with other people.Sometimes he even asks me if he talked too much tonight, poor guy. It's not something they can control, as far as I see it. They don't notice it also. My husband kept denying it for years. He used to tell me that I'm the only person on EArth that thinks he talks too mu h and interrupts.He started making some changes when our daughter grew up and started telling him the same. To her he listened.I love him and I think I m very lucky to have him, but I understand you very much. Sorry, I don't have any good news
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A
male
reader, Htsn47  +, writes (19 April 2012):
 I have the same bad habit - I'm an interrupter. Part of it is my personality - I have an impatient streak - and part of it is coming from a very talkative family. My fiancée is a very quiet person, and I do tend to interrupt her - especially if I get excited about what she's talking about.
I wouldn't snap at him or tell him to shut up. That's likely to make him feel defensive. Since you haven't spoken to him about it, you should do that first. Then I suggest you work out a gentle reminder to use when he interrupts you to help him become aware of this behavior. You could make a motion with your hand, for example. My fiancée just gives me a look now when I interrupt her which quickly reminds me I slipped up again. It's very effective and avoids an argument.
It is a hard habit to break so don't expect him to change instantly. But I think I'm getting a lot better at listening and letting her finish.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 April 2012):
 There is only one thing that you can do and that is talk to him about it, I know everything is still new and you don't want to bring this up with him, but you need to or else it will only drive you crazy. Don't make a huge deal of it, the next time he interrupts you just politely tell him that it upsets you when he interrupts what you where going to say. He needs to be told or else you will end up disliking him for this.
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