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My boyfriend seems deceitful

Tagged as: Dating, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 April 2009) 10 Answers - (Newest, 1 January 2018)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we have a 4 month old daughter together. In the past 2 months I have found flirtatious emails exchanged between a couple of girls. My friends then told me they heard he had been cheating. When I confronted him about all of this he went ballistic and denied everything. We had been having problems over the summer because he was always too busy and in my heart I believed he was cheating. The other day, his aunt called me and told me that he had been bringing another girl over to his mom's house during the summer. When I asked him all of this he was so angry he flipped out calling me crazy and kicked his aunt out of his mom's house. I have since booted him from our apt. I am devastated. He is denying everything, calls me crazy and now says he is done with me. We have a baby together and I don't know what to do. Please help!!! We haven't contacted one another and now I am sick over this!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2018):

This is what you need to do to forget him :

Whenever you find yourself needing him or missing him or feeling lonely, force yourself to remember something shirty he.did to you. I'm sure you'll think of something. Tell yourself THAT'S HOW LIFE REALLY IS WITH HIM.

YOU EONT MISS HIM TO MYCH AFTER A WHILR

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you mryankee and all for your input and support! I am trying so hard to detach myself from him the best I can. Unfortunately our daughter was sick and I had to bring her to the hospital. I went with my friends but did call him to let him know what is going on. A couple of days ago, something happened to my car and even though I have someone helping me out he is determined to get it fixed. I told him straight out that although I appreciate his help I will not need him. He does not take no very easily. I am still so heartbroken that I know that if I let him in just a little bit then he will eventually weazel his way back home with me. He always does and the same thing continues to happen. I am DEVASTATED over all of the information I have heard and he will never admit to any of it. I am just trying to detach from him the best that I can. Do any of you think its right for me to fix my car on my own, or do you think I should let him? He makes me feel as though I need him, and I have been doing quite fine on my own. I am trying to just lean on my friends and at this point, I would never consider him to be one of them.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009):

I was cheated on as well --- and got the same --- response when I suggested what was becoming very obvious. Anger, hostility. Man, I will tell you (one's own gut is such an amazing tool). The heart knows when it is being mistreated.

The most important things I can say is 1) it is all about him and not you; 2) there is a better, more appropriate person for you !!! Promise!!! I personally could/would forgive somebody for cheating, but how can you forgive somebody that doesn't admit it and doesn't want to be forgiven. You will have to move forward. Get as much support from friends, and family and heal your heart and good luck!!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009):

I was cheated on as well --- and got the same --- response when I suggested what was becoming very obvious. Anger, hostility. Man, I will tell you (one's own gut is such an amazing tool). The heart knows when it is being mistreated.

The most important things I can say is 1) it is all about him and not you; 2) there is a better, more appropriate person for you !!! Promise!!! I personally could/would forgive somebody for cheating, but how can you forgive somebody that doesn't admit it and doesn't want to be forgiven. You will have to move forward. Get as much support from friends, and family and heal your heart and good luck!!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009):

You sound like an intelligent lady :D and I'm sure you are doing what is right for you and your baby. I am so glad to hear that you have so much support and that you are keeping a head on your shoulders despite going through such a hard time and having your heart broken.

I'm sure he will never admit to it too. I think he does not want the blame.

Trust your gut, stay strong.

I hope everything turns out the best for you and that next time you will find someone who treats you with the respect you deserve.

Kepp me updated :D. I will always be here if you need someone to talk to.

Good luck,

Emivia x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you cgrlygo and bffshandshake for your input! I will continue to stand my ground and take things one day at a time.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009):

Stand your ground brave girl... he is calling you crazy because that is what people do when they get caught (great offense is better than a defense)... they put it all on you like you were an ass for finding out...

The good news is this---you only have one child with this man

the bad news is--- you will have to have a relationship with him for the rest of your life.

There is no need to discuss this with him anyfurther, trust your instincts they have led you right so far... So why not let them lead you to a better life with your little baby?

continue to be strong and true to your self and your child

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you so much Emivia for your response! I am so heartbroken right now, but I know in time I will feel better. This man has been my everything but I have that sickening gut-feeling that he is lying and instead of taking responsibility and admitting to being unfaithful he is lashing out and broke up with me. This is a game he has played before. I need to stay strong. He can be very manipulative to say the least. He will never admit to cheating as I am sure he fears I will leave him for good if I knew the truth. I have a ton of friends and support and am taking measures to make sure my daughter will have the best life possible.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009):

That is so horrible. I'm so sorry.

He doesn't sound tust worthy at all. Why would is aunt lie? Why is he being so agressivly defensive?

I think you have done the right thing. Just try and stay strong for your little girl. Focus on her.

Do you have family who can support you?

You do not deserve to be treated like that... Just remember that... I know it will hurt for a while, but try and be strong for your baby.

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A female reader, bffshandshake United States +, writes (23 April 2009):

ask him if his been cheating on you and if he says no then say lok me in the eye and see if there moving then his lying. Or if there straght his not lying. :)

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