A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:For the last 2 weeks my boyfriend says he doesn't know what he wants. We are meeting for a drink this week end to talk. I have backed of to give him space. I said if he doesn't know what he wants we shouldn't be together but he doesn't want to break up either. I know he's incredibly stressed at work for xmas and that takes its toll. He said he finds me caring warm and very attractive but bossy and that I put him down. I've never been told that before but Im willing to listen if that's how I come across. I've been supportive through his recent minor surgery and have always tried to be loving sexy and caring and now this. I told him its better if he doesn't stay the night if he feels like this. There is definitely no one else. We don't live together but have been dating 10 months. I feel really hurt and shocked at how hes turned on me.....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2013): Thanks for your replies. My boyfriend got in touch last night. We went for a meal last night and he pleaded to get back together and apologised profusely. This break was painful but pushed me into joining the gym and I'm loving it. We are seeing together on a trial basis....my idea. No intimacy unless I feel comfortable with it. I'm not sure when or if that will happen with him again as my feelings are not the same since he took this break with me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2013): It's the 10-month kissoff. There seems to be a point where men reach the 10-month mark in a new relationship; and suddenly get confused about why they're in a relationship.For future reference, these are the other breakup benchmarks:2-3 years...5 years...7 years...ten years, and after marriage, 1.5 kids, a mortgage, and various other debts (and a mistress)later. They stall the breakup, while they get their personal business( and emotions) in order. They want an "unemotional/amicable breakup. Without all the drama, arguing, and tears. Time in order to hide his car,to avoid an attack on his personal property. He has to alert his family and mates.He wants to back-out gracefully, and not have to have a big discussion about it. Guilt-free, and you assuming all the blame. He will feel pain and have withdrawal from detachment; but he will hide his true feelings. The guy's approach to ending a bad relationship. Nothing on the surface.I'll tell you want he wants. To bow out without all the drama and intrigue.He wants it to be your idea, so he comes out of it with clean hands; and you won't stalk him, or inundate him with calls and pathetic text messages. He fears your wrath.End it, and start no contact. Prepare yourself to get over him, it's a rough road to travel. You may as well get started. He wants to get a head-start on moving on. So he leaves you in suspense, while he hides. In code (man-speak), he's really telling you it's your call. He doesn't have the nuggets to call it quits. You're controlling and you put him down. So use that as your sendoff. His exit strategy: plant guilt and confusion. Then he can avoid any blame; because it's all your fault. He's giving you time to let it sink in.Be strong. Grant him his freedom, and cut yourself loose.Minimize the drama, and avoid a nasty breakup. Leave him alone, once you make the final decision to go. If you mess around and delay; he will dump you, and ignore your contact attempts. Make it easy on yourself.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (4 December 2013):
 Errr I WOULDN'T have sex.. sorry for the typo there.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 December 2013):
He doesn't want to be together but doesn't want to break up, well, honey that is not possible. You are either together or you are NOT.
It seems like he is putting all the blame on YOU (being bossy) and stress at work. So If this relationship end it will be because of you. GET IT? He doesn't want to be the bad guy. He doesn't want to be alone for Christmas, so hence no break up yet.
I would met up and listen to him, but take what he says with a grain of salt.
In the mean time YOU figure out if you think the relationship can continue as it stands now.
And yes, I would have sex with him either if he isn't sure he wants to be there or not.
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