A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 18 years doesnt kiss or cuddle me and never has any foreplay. He has developed a fetish for me dressing up in various poses, then takes photos and has sex. I havent got a problem with dressing up really if we were passionate with each other, but I feel used, unloved and cant understand why we dont have normal sex. We've lived in this house for 7 years and i can honestly say we've never gone to bed and had passionate sex. I try and ask him about it but he refuses to answer and it always end in an argument. I know I've let him have his own way for too long but its really getting to me now and i need him to open up to me. Any ideas on what i should do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2007): Give him a chance to kiss u or cuddle u..make situations to do so..and also dont neglect him when he wants something else.. maybe ur man is in some kind of mental problem.. take him to a doctor.
A
female
reader, Baroness Romero +, writes (7 August 2007):
 REading your question, one word springs to mind - DOORMAT!
What are you doing in this one sided relationship for so long with such a selfish man? He obviously has some serious issues about affection/fetishes and when you try to ask about it, he instigates an argument to 'get out' of answering.
You have already admitted that you let him get away with too much - your first positive step to realising that he is selfish - also admitting that you don't like the situation you are in.
It seems his needs and wants are all that he cares about and to hell with you lady!
You don't actually say that you love him (and goodness knows why if you do) but i would suggest you get out of the relationship now.
You have been with him for too many years for it to be easy for you to leave but you have many years ahead and if you don't take action now, you could live many more years of misery.
It's difficult to think that being on your own will be hard - and it WILL be. but the short time you will be on your own until someone BETTER else comes along whom you can spend the rest of your life happily with is well worth a little more time of misery. This misery will be of your own doing though and it will be a positive unhappy time - if that makes sense.
You need to confront him again. Don't give him an ultimatum but tell him that if he doesn't give you an explanation then you are going to leave him. Tell him also that the way he treats you makes you feel that he has no respect for you or your feelings. If he starts to argue, tell him that you aren't prepared to discuss these things in this manner and that YOU are going to walk away until he has calmed down.
In the meantime, start planning your leaving him and plan for a better future for yourself - one that you deserve
Remeber - its not the things that we did that we regret on our death bed - but the things we DIDN'T do.
Take action now for a happier life ahead.
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A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (6 August 2007):
 This relationship is too one-sided. He gets all he wants and leaves you hanging. If you can't bring it into balance, you need to find the pictures he has of you (and the negatives) and leave HIM hanging. Once out on your own you'll be much better off.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2007): I would be more concerned as to why you are still only boyfriend and girlfriend after 18 years
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2007): Hunni, if you are unhappy in your relationship and leave him. You can't be in a realationship with someone who won't share things with you. You need to tell him that. Do you see you both having a future? I dunno why he doen't kiss or cuddle you, and I dunno why he likes it when you dress up! But if you aren't getting what you need then there are plenty of other guys who will look after you.
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