A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my bf always wana let me do stuff i dont wanna do like sex and smoke i told him i dont wanna do these things but then we together again and he says he wont do it again but he just does and i realy love him what should i do cause we realy love each other Reply to this Question
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male
reader, uncle_baj  +, writes (12 May 2008):
 ok,a bit of psychology for ya,u say u love each other which i dont dispute but this guy wants to have this typical lifestyle and hes makin u do it too,but he does this cos he thinks if someones doing it with him then it will justify it in his mind,and who better than his adoring girlfriend who wont say no cos u 'love' each other,this is an early form of control and even bullying,id walk away while u can cos it will only get worse x
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (12 May 2008):
 Sound advice all around. Dump him.
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A
female
reader, A Cappella +, writes (12 May 2008):
 No one who loves and respects you would ever try to get you to do something you don't want to do. If he can't respect your boundaries, he won't respect you. Dump him and move on. Seriously.
Holding to your ethic is the best thing you can ever do for your self confidence. And self confidence is SEXY, believe me. You'll find someone worth being with, don't worry. (Preferably someone who doesn't smoke, yuck, or lie about smoking, warming!, or push you into something you're not ready to do!) You'll only have your "first time" once. Don't waste it on someone who clearly doesn't respect you.
Good luck hon.
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A
female
reader, les +, writes (12 May 2008):
You dont love him. He doesnt love you. It already sounds like you have low-selfesteem, which is why you're clinging on to him.
You need to break up with him. You need to develop self-confidence (read some books on developing self-esteem, they worked for me). Then you can find a boyfriend who wont force you to smoke or have sex with him.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (12 May 2008):
 trying to get from you what you don't want to give is not love on his end. you may love him, but he's not really showing you respect.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008): Sweetie, you might love him but he doesn't love you. If he did he wouldn't make you do things you didn't want to do. Especially have sex! He'd be respectful to you and your feelings.
I don't think talking to him would do much since he says he won't do these things and then does the same thing over.
It's up to you what you do but if that were me, I certainly wouldn't stand for that.
Good luck. x
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (12 May 2008):
 Oh dear god... give me the strength to carry on.
ok. i know its what everyone is thinking so i'm gonna say it.
Then Don't Do it...
Blah blah we're in love whine whine . if he loved you he woulnd't make you do stuff you didn't want to do, and don't give me that crap of.. oh but i love him i want to make him happy and all that stuff.
Grow a set and stand up for yourself and say no.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008): Dump him.
He doesn't love you if he makes you do things you really don't want to do. That's not love. He's using you.
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