A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend likes to tease me a lot. I understand sometimes it is funny but sometimes it really gets to me. For example, when I got home last night we were about to go to bed and he said I bet in your dream home you want a huge closet, I said yes with a big vanity area..his response was, "you are vain enough for it"...?! Then he was getting into bed, I was already laying in bed, he puts his glasses on (he had already taken his contacts out) looks at me, then takes them off again (joking that it scared him when he could see me clearly) I didn't say anything but kind of withdrew, when he asked what was wrong I told him that hurt my feelings...his response was, "well I wouldn't call you ugly if you were actually ugly"...I said that doesn't make sense, and he said "you wouldn't call someone metally challenged a r*t*rd.." I just went to sleep... Am I being a nit pick? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2008): Personally, I would not reccomend saying "Does it make you feel big to make me feel small" if your boyfriend gets angry easily, even though it is a good line. Though it could be effective, it could also tick him off. My boyfriend tends to say rude things all the time, and really hurts me. It sucks to be hurt by someone you care about. Next time, it would be best to confront him about it. My boyfriend tends to get even more angry when I tell him what is wrong with me, so if he reacts badly, let him think about it for a while, or let him sleep on it. It will run through his mind at some point that he hurt you, whether a little or a lot, and maybe next time, he would think before he says things. You are not acting wrong in any way when he says these things, and of course, he may say hurtful things out of the blue occasionally, but it is best to get it out of your chest, rather than to hold it in, and let every little rude line build up until a breaking point. If the problem persists even though you have opened up to him, you just need to dig deeper and find out what is really the source of the problem. I hope you can work things out.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2008): Hey,
Sometimes someone in a relationship can end up being careless and saying things which hurt the other person, usually this is a stage in maturing in a relationship and learning what is and what isn't appropriate. What he is doing might be entirely innocent, but because he is being insensitive he is not considering your feelings.
Have a talk about it with him, go through what he said logically and explain that it as your boyfriend, he should be complementing you, and not putting you down. If he continues to make comments after you have picked him up on it then you know that he is more abusive in nature and that the problem maybe more serious.
By the way, I do not think you are a nit pick at all. Any one with feelings can be left feeling hurt if they are put down by someone. You are reacting in an entirely normal way, so don't feel like you should let this unwanted behaviour from him go unchallenged. Pick him up on it, it is the only way he will learn and hopefully change.
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A
female
reader, Deema  +, writes (17 September 2008):
 No. Don't put up with it. He obviously doesn't feel good about himself so he's trying to pull you down to make himself feel better. Its very easy to say 'only joking' after, but whose laughing? Next time ask him 'Does it make you feel big to try and make me feel small?' I said that once to a woman who was making my life hell. She looked as though I had punched her in the stomach. It was amazing. Needless to say the tormenting stopped. Give it a try.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2008): Emily's right! Next time you get the opportunity, and I would recommend when he does his glasses 'trick', to put yours on or get hold of a magnifying glass, lift the bedclothes, look for his willy and ask him what he's done with it!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (17 September 2008):
He meant that he is only joking when he says these things. He's trying (and failing) to be funny.
"I wouldn't call you ugly if you were actually ugly." He means that because you are beautiful, he can call you ugly and you'll know it's just a joke. He would never actually bully an ugly person.
When ever he makes these jokes just tell him you don't like it when he calls you names and he's get the message and stop eventually.
He doesn't want to hurt you, just to have a joke with you, he's probably expecting you to tease him back if that is what he's used to with his family.
Just keep telling him you don't like his jokes and he will stop.
Good Luck!! xx
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