A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi there my boyfriend of 1 year has xxx photos of his ex girlfriend he deleted them from the computer when i found then as i was very upset about it then 5 months ago but the other day he has put them back in a hidden file what do i do i am 41 and hes 39 i feel sick to the stomach
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female
reader, troyssweetie +, writes (17 October 2007):
 i agree with tommy and frank. it's a trophy is all. a remembrance. you can't expect men to forget about the past even when the present is going so well. give him time. you have only been together for a year. letting him keep them will show him you respect him. and in turn the relationship will get better and eventually he will just delete them himself as he no longer sees the need to have them. thats what happened for me... :)
A
female
reader, Irish49  + ♥, writes (17 October 2007):
 While I still feel he should've got rid of them, because of the ethical reason---it's just simply extreme disrespect to the present relationship you are sharing with him..I do have to say, Frank does bring up an excellent point about the fact he isn't protecting the reputations of these other ladies. So I want to add to that. Have you ever thought that there is the possibility that if you have/or ever will pose for him, he could be not only keeping 'your' nudie pics on his computer...let's hope he doesn't post them on the internet somewhere, should you two split. Sorry sweety, but I hope you can assure me that he is trustworthy with any nude pics he has of you, if he has any. I suppose holding pics like this as 'sweet memories and trophies' would make me wonder who else he shows the photos to, especially if he has little respect for his exe's privacy. Very telling. If you have posed nude for him...your first order of business should be getting your pics off his computer — you don't want those to get in the wrong person's hands.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (17 October 2007):
 I do not think he should have gotten rid of them. There is no certainty you will be with him forever, and they are part of his past.
What I think is the major problem here is that he has them out on his computer, and is not safe guarding them. He is lax when it comes to protecting the rep of the women he was with, which means, he would not protect your rep either. THAT is the issue you need to address, not the fact you feel you are competeing with his past. If he can not protect your rep, as he has violated their reps, THEN dump him, and never pose for him.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  + ♥, writes (16 October 2007):
 I'm with rammsteinfan and Irish. I believe he should have gotten rid of those pictures long before he even started a relationship with you. You need to give every person a fresh, clean start.
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A
female
reader, Irish49 + ♥, writes (16 October 2007):
Tell him to get rid of them. Many people in relationships may feel it's okay to have nudie pics of exes. I say okay to that as long as both people are fine with it. However in your case, if you don't like it and it makes you feel pain..then his possession of these pics has become an insult to the integrity of the your relationship and is causing pain to you. When people say to you that these photos are harmless and all they are is trophies, they are not you, they are not in your relationship and they need to realize that to you-- these pics are very harmful. They go against your relationship values and what you believe in. They are hurting your feelings..you need to tell him this and he should be sensitive to that, by deleting them. Insist on it. How on earth is having these old nude pics of women he used to date going to possibly enhance your future with this man. This will just keep on bugging you until this blows up your relationship. I just find it absolutely ridiculous that some men are this self-involved as to even try to keep nude pics of exes on their computers. How disrespectful to his new lady love.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  + ♥, writes (16 October 2007):
 I don't know...
I see how you'd be mad. But really, I mean, it's just a precious memory now. I guess I wouldn't be that angry. I'd be a little peeved, but I've hung on to some nude-y pictures of exes myself. It's not like I look at them at masturbate or anything... I guess it's like Tommy said, it's more like a trophy than anything else.
I wouldn't be too mad if there's only a picture or two. Tell him to print one off, and delete the copy off the computer... trust me, a paper copy is going to be a lot easier to get lost eventually.
I seriously doubt he's still in love with this girl or anything. If that's what pictures of exe's on a computer means, I would still be in love with a lot of exes.
This is a tricky one...
xxIndia
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A
female
reader, rammsteinfan +, writes (16 October 2007):
 Since he is with you, your bf shouldn't keep pictures of his ex, especially XXX ones on the computer!! To me, that sounds like he still has strong feelings about her. If he loves you, he shouldn't be doing that!! I would be kicking him to the curb if I were you!!
Good Luck!!!
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (16 October 2007):
Guys like to collect trophies. Don't be so hard on him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007): that isn't right - cut him off - its not worth the heartache
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007): Well men like visual images to please themselves to... I guess he doesn't want to throw out his personal porn collection. Its probably even more exciting for him to pleasure himself to those photos because he has actually "been with" her, but likely they are no more than a masturbation tool... as long as he's not talking to her, flirting with her, etc. you probably have nothing to worry about... she's just an old memory that he wants to keep a hold of.
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