A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:After a disastrous relationship before and subsequently staying single for the last 6 years, im now in secure relationship of a year but im scared and having trouble dealing with my emotions.Im naturally very independent and really enjoyed my time being single, I had a few flings but wasn't looking for a serious relationship. I bought my own house and worked hard. To say I wasn't looking for anyone when I found my partner is an understatement! Anyhow, I did meet him and wouldn't change a thing about him. We rarely argue and even when we do its nipped in the bud quickly. He works hard and supports me but he also totally accepts that im an independent person and gives me my space when I need it. Things have gone well for us and he's due to move in with me next week, but now im having doubts! Out of nowhere im suddenly thinking of ex boyfriends and wondering why things didn't work out, wondering if I still miss them even though I know I don't. Im thinking all sorts of strange things and thinking is this really what I want, do I really want him to move in and take this next step? I love him and I want to spend my life with him so why am I feeling like this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tottochan  +, writes (4 January 2016):
Hey there,I think it's just nervousness regarding the big change in your relationship - I wouldn't give it much weight. From what you have written you and your boyfriend share a happy relationship.It seems like you are worried whether this relationship will be the 'one', and that is why you are analysing your past relationships, wondering what went wrong there - did you see and wilfully miss any signs? Will this relationship be different from all those.Let me just tell you - yes, this relationship is different from all those. You are different from who you were then, and he is different from your ex's. You both have to make things work depending on how your relationship is 'today'. Don't worry too much about the past. Learn from it, and then move on.If you two are very open and comfortable talking about these things then maybe you could tell him what fears you might be having - about this relationship and the potential changes that you both might see. I am sure he will listen in a mature way and probably even assuage your fears.All the very best.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (4 January 2016):
 DON'T bring in a new "boyfriend" until you're SURE that he is 'the one"......
Good luck..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2016): This is just a huge change for you, he's coming into YOUR home and so you are naturally feeling nervous about what this might mean.Sort out early on where both of your things will be and make sure you allow it to become his home too, not that your letting him put his things somewhere but that it's his space too to chose what goes where. It might help if when he moves in you rearrange the bedroom and living space together. This changes it for you and you're then in rooms that you've arranged together - as opposed to him coming in to YOUR set up. You say you love him, and you're clearly happy with him. This is just a massive step and living with someone is a big deal. Just pause and remember why you're in love and why you wanted to share your life with him. There's also no shame if living together doesn't go to plan. You're giving it a go, well done got embracing change and giving someone a chance. Good luck with it all and I hope you're both happy together x
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