A
female
age
36-40,
*ola16182
writes:I need some help. My boyfriend has always been playful in you know some harmless teasing and hitting me playfully type thing. But a month ago it started changing.He is still like this, however his motives have changed. The teasing has turned into comments such as- u don't need anymore food look at u, pudgy, fatty, rolls, beak, big noseHe is saying them playfully but they really hurt my feelings and I tell him that and he says fine I'll stop but never does. Also he started on comments like "i'll punch u in the head and make it hurt" "i'll break your nose and u can get free plastic surgery for that beak" BUT he's saying it in like this little kid immature voice. Nothing he would ever act on. Lastly is the increase in the play hitting/slapping. He's been slapping me playfully but doesn't realize how hard it is. I tell him it hurts and he doesn't believe me until last night when a red indent with finger imprints showed up on my arm after he slapped me. He'll make a fist and pretend to punch me in the face but stops short a few inches and i of course jump. Then he gets mad when I freak out and says "you don't trust me, you know I'd never hit you"Can someone please tell me if this is considered to be abuse? He knows I don't like this behaviour but does it anyway. He is in his mid-20s so should know how to behave by now. I'm just about to turn 20 so I'm a lot younger but enough to know that something isn't right. I'M CONFUSED though because abuse is usually about anger right? And he isn't angry or anything, he sees it as playful. HELP ME PLEASE
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female
reader, michelleAKAmandi  +, writes (27 September 2008):
 Hey there Lola,
Sweetie this is obviously bothering you to the point that you need to do something drastic to wake him up to your seriousness about what he is doing. I would consider what he's doing to be emotional abuse. It's not good for you and disrespectful in the fact you have asked him to stop more than once. All the while explaining to him that he is hurting you mentally and physically.
Do something about this now before it goes any further. You don't deserve to be treated in a way that makes you unhappy, by anyone.
Keep us informed and good luck sweetie.
Michelle
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2008): That's definitely abuse, be sure of that. You have already told him you don't like that and he doesn't stop, he has also been escalating on his behavior which means things will only get worse. I know its hard, but leaving him is the best thing you can do, no matter how much you love him or how much he says he does.
He shouldn't hit you or slap you, not even playing and not even if it didn't hurt. The more likely is that at some point he will actually hurt you.
Get out of there NOW, don't leave it for latter, don't say I can take it a little more, I'll be stronger, he'll change... You are still in good time, it'll only be harder to do it everyday that passes by. Plus, if you get pregnant, would you like your child to be treated that way?
Not all men are like that, and he will not change. You deserve someone who treats you nicely, who make you feel good, supports you and motivates you to grow as a person. Don't put up with that, to get respect you need to respect yourself first, otherwise noone will. You deserve better, love can be a marvelous thing and you are missing that chance being with someone like that.
You can do it. Dount doubt it, don't forget it.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Mommy Dearest +, writes (26 September 2008):
 well there are different types of abuse, there is physical,emotional, mental. From what you are saying he is emotional abusing you. I think you need to talk to him and let him know that it has to stop and stop now, If not you should leave. Believe me I know that easier to say then do.I hope works out.
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A
female
reader, Miss-Morphine  +, writes (26 September 2008):
 this sounds like you should try and talk to him again.
you said you had already tried to talk to him about it,
and he didnt stop.
i think if he dosnt listen to you this time,
then you should tell him if he dosnt stop youre going to leave him.
if hes saying hurtful things, and hitting you, even if it is 'playful' you shouldnt have to put up with it.
if itts getting too much, then leave.
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