A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Ok.This is my situation,for which I Kindly please ask for any advice/opinion.I do not doubt that I love my man,as i do not doubt he Loves me too.I broke with him,Becouse of his inconfidency and inconsistancy.Im Urban Girl He is Village Boy.My parents are both Educated,his are ordinary farmers.Im not millioner,But my parents had benefited me with leasury Youth,full of fun, parties and travelling,and he Had to work to pay his holidays if any.My friends and me are Boehemian people and artist and really are not concerned about money,but with other things that give more satisfaction.His never met but think ordinary. Im not Used and not want To save money,and he is obviously Saving for some future endevours(house for ex).These are but some of the differences.I dump him of 2 reasons:1.cannot stand people who are stressed about savings and not willing to spend any penny for their satisfaction.I dont have much money,Buth will never put myself to sleep in some student dirty hostels just to spare myself from spending when i Have enough to affort decent accomodation .2.Will never hesitate to buy some nice clothes and spend money in the pub,with people I love Just to save for whatever. In short I do not like cheapstakes or people who re spending all their life in saving and Nothing else. Can this work? How can i make him aware that Im not Snobbish But indeed opposite?I like presents thats for sure,I like giving and receiving, and when so I do give and receive Nice and meaningful ones(depending on what one likes and prefers)and Dont care how MUch it costs, And he is psnding days to find as cheepest present as possible but to fit the occassion. He is 32,he is completely confused,unconfident and dont know what to do with him. Any opinion would be welcomed.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2008): You spoilt little brat. You have no concept of money and are clearly socially inept. Being from a privileged background enables you to apparently lead a Bohemian lifestyle which is a million miles away from a real Bohemian lifestyle where regardless of if they money they are naturally that way.I would advise your man to leave you because he sounds sensible with lots of common sense but you appear to be a silly little spoilt girl that needs to grow up and spend some of your parents apparent wealth on spelling and writing lessons for you because on the evidence of your writing above, it's dreadful.
A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (17 December 2007):
Conflicts are a product of unagreed imaginations in our heads.I strongly believe there's a chance for you guys to work it out but if you feel like giving up that's your choice.If you truly care and love him,it would be better for you to help him understand your side of the coin and possibly with time,he'll chabge.
All the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmaybe ur roght anonymous...conflict would be inescapable
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2007): Sounds like you should dump him since he is planning for the future and you only want to live in the here and now.
Why be with someone who will always suggest that you not buy something, someone who doesn't abide by your rule of instant gratification.
If you want a lead a life that is "live for the now and screw the future" then dump that ball and chain!
~dawn
Http://frugalforlife.com
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2007): Sounds like you should dump him since he is planning for the future and you only want to live in the here and now.
Why be with someone who will always suggest that you not buy something, someone who doesn't abide by your rule of instant gratification.
If you want a lead a life that is "live for the now and screw the future" then dump that ball and chain!
~dawn
Http://frugalforlife.com
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think I now i have clear strategy on my mind on how to put the issues forward to de discussed...
Thank you Baby duck
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A
female
reader, baby duck  + ♥, writes (7 December 2007):
 Hi again,
It is completely possible that you two can rub off on each other. While I could not sleep, for worrying about the bills, and pinched pennies like a miser, my husband was always saying that we had to do some living, too. I did relax.
Part of me wishes that we had more in the bank and that our sons did not have to take out loans for college. On the other hand, life is for the living. If we had done everything my way, we'd probably have more money, but we'd have less experiences and less memories.
It will take some thoughtful discussion but it sounds to me like you already understand that money, in and of itself, is not a goal. Money is a tool and you two have to discuss how that tool can be used.
Best wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBaby duck I think you re completely right.Its about incompatibility between US. Chlez83 dont get me wrong but you seem to completely misundrstood the question.Its not about money or the value I or He puts on it.Its about more than that,Values in more broad sense of word...when it comes to Money they re just but a paper and depending on the person attitude towards them,could be the Most immportant or irrelevant thing.As far as im concerned,i take them only as a means for Living, but not Living meanungful units.To put it other way,money Value is determined on my opinion,solely by the moments on which they re spend and not on Things. So House for me is really irrelevant subject,I have one maybe thats way,But even when i didnt have(it was bought by my parents 4 years ago) and designed for me,I didnt strive to make such savings For having such. So, baby duck i dont want Him to change,But do you think i can make him more relaxed about Life and the burden he has about regarding monetary issues?It seems to me that he Knows the price of everything but hardly the Value of it. Is a bit cynical isnt? Or not... Thats actualy my main concern
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A
male
reader, chlez83 +, writes (7 December 2007):
Imagine if you were the one coming from his background,how would you feel if you were dumped because you can't buy expensive gifts or because you don't wear the latest fashion.Love knows no boundaries and it's about seeing the good side of a person and expanding those.So what's wrong with you spending more since you know he's scared about the future,that's why he saves? If you really love him,but don't like what he does,talk to him more and understand why he lives such a lifestyle.If you truly love him you can even help him by finding a better job for him.I once dated our former maid and would have married her were it not for family intervention.Just try harder to understand him but if you feel he's wasting your time,move on and find someone else and don't think too much about money issues.Would you get him a xmas present without expecting one in return without feeling bad?
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, baby duck + ♥, writes (7 December 2007):
This is not really a question about money or the value that different people place on it. This is actually a question about compatibility.
There is no reason for him to change his values, anymore than there is reason for you to change yours. You both have justifiable reasons for the way you handle money. It's a judgment call.
It's charming to think that with love, relationships will work. Charming, but not realistic. 'Opposites attract' is sometimes true, not always. There are some big things out there that need to align (not perfectly match, but be in the ballpark) and views with money are one of them, along with how to rear children, levels of communication, libido.
Envision your life with him in ten years if his values never change. Can you tolerate that? Can he?
Don't EVER go into a relationship saying, "Everything will be just fine once he understands ..."
That just ain't gonna work, sister. Take him as he is, or leave him on the shelf for someone that wants him just like he is.
Best wishes.
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