A
female
age
41-50,
*asil76
writes:Well I am in a long distance relationship. we have been together for a year, and so far it's worked pretty well. My BF ussually comes to see mee, and after all this time i started going to his place more often, because I want to show him I want to make it work as well( not that he ever compplained about coming to my place most of the time, I'm just making a bigger effort now). when we started dating, I knew he was a smoker (cigarrettes), and i had smoke with him once as well.(im an ex-smoker). Since everything has been long distance, and he ussually comes to my place and it's a smoke-free environment, I never knew exactly how bad his habit was. Well let me tell you, i can't stand it. Since I've been going more often, and he smokes at the house (add his brother to the equation), i've found myself second-hand smoking a pack a day. They both know it bothers me, so they try to smoke less (1 pack a day), but I find myself hating the habit more and more. He asked me if I wanted to come down this weekend for he has to work and cnt come to me, I just couldnt say an honest yes. I love him, and he has compromised not to smoke in the car (which is great), but when I asked him to "try" to smoke a bit less when i'm there, he said "I already do and I cant smoke any less". I don't know what to do. should i just not go there at all so I don't die from second-hand smoke???? HELPPP
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female
reader, raiders +, writes (14 April 2010):
 He is addicted to cigarettes and you should know since you were an ex-smoker how hard it is to kick a habit out to the curve. He has compromise with you already so he probably feels that he has already giving in. Instead of complaining and saying I won't go to your place because of the second hand smoke ask him to go outside when you are visiting. Ask him to respect your lungs and the air you breath by taking his smoking elsewhere. Talk to him on the effects of smoking and the harm he is provoking to his body. Help him see a way out. A person who really cares about there partner would try to help, not run to the hill and hide.
A
female
reader, Lucky786  +, writes (14 April 2010):
 Firstly, I think your problem has two distincts aspects to it. The first aspect is about respecting each other's rights: your boyfriend's right to smoke and your right to a smoke-free environment. Personally, I think your boyfriend is being VERY selfish smoking in your house.
(Before all the smoking Aunts and Uncles start telling about the right to smoke etc, I can confirm I am a smoker and my boyfriend is too.)
I do not smoke in my house or car and that is my decision. I find smoking indoors to be unpleasant. My boyfriend does not smoke in my house and never has because he respects my decision. He smokes in his house and I respect his right to do so. Your boyfriend should not smoke in your house, he should smoke outside and you should politely ask him to do so. By the same token, when you are in his house, you should respect his right to smoke in his house. He was a smoker when you met him and I don't think he should have to smoke less in his own house just because you are there. Why not meet up outside somewhere and you can have all the fresh air you want and he can have a smoke when he wants?
The second aspect (and the more important in my opinion) is that you say you are starting to hate the smoking habit more and more. You are an ex-smoker and I bet there is a part of you that thinks "If I can quit, why can't he?" You notice the stale fag smell on his fingers,hair, breath and clothes. Unless he quits or you start the habit again or you can reach some other compromise, I don't see this relationship lasting the distance.
Hope this helps...I'm off for a cigarette lol!
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A
female
reader, basil76 +, writes (14 April 2010):
basil76 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe have spoken about it, and he said he will quit, but doesn't know exaclty when.So I guess it means "not anytime soon". We also have spoken about having a family, and all, and I told him there will no smoking in the house, and he is ok with it.
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A
male
reader, unwind +, writes (14 April 2010):
You made no mention of him trying to quit. Is that out of the question? I guess since you accepted him as a smoker when you first dated, I guess he thinks you will accept his habit now.
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