A
female
age
26-29,
blueangel28
writes:my boyfriend and i have been together for almost a year,the last three months we have been having a lot of problems. he has been logging on to chatlines giving these females his phone number and then they share sexual text and pic messages back and forth i don't know what to do please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): Kick him into touch. If he's going on chatlines the women on there are usually married and getting paid for extra income and they're not bothered if some guy thinks they're serious as they can milk him for all he's got doing that. They're only playing with him so he continues to call the chatlines - tell him to get real or ditch the loser.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008): Give him an ultimatum--no more screwing around online or you're done. It's the only thing that works. Face it, you're never going to accept it; nor should you. Find a boyfriend that isn't so easily distracted.
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A
female
reader, saucy sam  +, writes (30 December 2007):
 hey sweetie, my boyfreind of nearly 2years used to o exactly the same thing well he wouldnt give his number out or exchange pics with them but i did know that he used to cyber with them he told me once and i got so upset its not something your supposed to do if you are in a loving relationship
he used to keep going on abpout it until one day something inside me snapped and i had it out with him i told him that if he was to continue to do this then i dontthink thta there would be much point in our relationship. and he listened to me he doesnt do it although were not living together so i cannot be certain that he does, but stand up for yourself dont let him walk all over you because once he knows how he will continue to do it and i tell you something sweetie you are much better than that let me know what happens loadza luck xxxx
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A
female
reader, horsefanatik_andy  +, writes (28 December 2007):
 im going through the exact same thingjust let him know ur not ready...it would suk if he did anything to hurt youafter you let him knowhe has the choice of taking a walk or embracing the fact that ure not ready and chill with it cuz he loves youif he doesnt its better that hes gonei know its hard but its true
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A
female
reader, horsefanatik_andy +, writes (28 December 2007):
im going through the exact same thingjust let him know ur not ready...it would suk if he did anything to hurt youafter you let him knowhe has the choice of taking a walk or embracing the fact that ur not ready and chill with it cuz he loves youif he dosnt its better that hes gonei know its hard but its true
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A
male
reader, dc.ryan +, writes (27 December 2007):
 I think, some men (well a lot of men) seem to have a desire for another sexual rush - not necessarily full blown cheating, but something different.Don't take his actions to heart, as I expect you are a wonderful woman with a lot of qualities - you need to persist with your confrontations clearly express it has upset you.If he still continues, ask him what he values most - you or his phone? Ryan
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A
female
reader, baby duck + ♥, writes (27 December 2007):
 You do not have the power to make anyone do or feel anything. We all make our own choices that result in our own actions and feelings. From your post, though, I suspect that you are attracting, and are attracted to, abusive men. PLEASE do not think that all men are like this. They are NOT!
There is a lot of information on the internet. Put 'co-dependent relationships' in your browser and start educating yourself.
The bottom line is this: we all have values. When you draw your boundaries, that is your way of saying, "This is my line in the sand. Cross it, and we're over." We all have boundaries with everyone, but we don't all enforce our boundaries. Would you stay with a man that hits you? Some people would. They say they would not but then it happens, and they don't go. They don't enforce their boundaries. You know what happens to them. Sometimes, someone crosses a boundary and you realize that you have to do one of two things: maintain it or change it. Sometimes we change our boundaries because our values have changed. That could be a good thing, a bad thing, or irrelevant. I am not a jealous, possessive woman but then, my husband's behavior does not warrant it. There are women that have behaved inappropriately, but my husband handled the situation with class, so my boundaries were not challenged, you see?
Let's say you did not like your boyfriend to scream at the games on tv. That would be something for you to calmly discuss with him, not end the relationship over. Let's say he was a slob, and left messes all over. Again, not necessarily a deal-breaker, but certainly an invitation for a conversation. When your boyfriend shares his phone number and exchanges sexual context with another woman, that means your monogamous relationship is already over in his head/heart. If you have to explain this to him, knowing damn well how he'd feel if roles were switched, than he is playing games with you. Period. Do not play with him. Pick up your toys and go home. Do not find a new male playmate anytime soon, either, because if your experiences have you thinking that something YOU've done warrants this behavior, than you have some learning, healing and growing to do. You are not ready for a healthy relationship with a healthy man.
Don't get defensive. I am not attacking you. Like everyone else, I am learning ... I just happen to be a bit seasoned in this department.
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A
female
reader, baby duck + ♥, writes (27 December 2007):
He is doing this to hurt you. There is not one reason he could give to justify his behavior. He does not have the guts to break off with you, so he's behaving this way so you can leave him.
Leave.
Don't even try to explain because if he is doing this, than he will also twist your words and use them against you. He is manipulating you and you are allowing it.
Spend some time alone to figure out why you allowed yourself to be treated so poorly, so you do not unwittingly get involved with another abusive person.
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A
female
reader, blueangel28 +, writes (27 December 2007):
blueangel28 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your feedback. I have tried talking to him. this is the second time i have caught him doing this. i just don't understand why men turn to this. this same thing has happened in previous relationships is it something that i am doing to make them turn to this?
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A
male
reader, dc.ryan +, writes (27 December 2007):
Confront him, sit down and talk - ask him why he feels he has to turn to other girls for his sexual enjoyment, explain to him you feel hurt and that you want him to stop.
Don't result to shouting though, if the convisation gets out of hand - just stop, and talk about it later when things have cooled down.
You need to talk to your partner, and he needs to learn that he can talk to you about his problems. If you need any further advice, or have anything further to add drop me a message or add another reply :)
Hope this was of any help,
Ryan
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