A
female
age
26-29,
lvbentley
writes:Hi,My boyfriend and I are both 25. We have been dating for 4 months but he has an addiction to amatuer porn. On top of this I found he had a profile on a dating website which is just for sex. He says he only uses it to see amatuer porn and he deleted his profile a few hours before I found it.I'm not sure if this is true he said I could check but I didn't even want to. I know porn is normal but he looks at it all the time. He says he is serious and even talks about getting married. When we first met he was really into sex but the last month we have both been working 14 hr days and he's too tired to have sex, Is this normal or am I an idiot for staying with him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): I am currently dealing with this same problem! I don't know what to either... I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now and I have wondered what he has been doing on the computer when I'm not around. I have walked in on him doing things on the computer and he tried to hide it. I started looking at his history lately and have found nothing but porn sites one after another and he has even started his own porn site that he as a URL for I can't seem to figure out his password. I'm afraid he is doing more then just looking at pictures! I think he is using webcam and probably even meeting up with girls...
I wish the best for you... it is a very hard decision to make. When you love someone and they want to marry you and have a future... How can you except something that well always make you wonder???
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): i was recently in a similair situation where i kept finding pictures of other women on my b/f fone and pc. He kept getting msn pop ups on his pc and then denyied knowing who they were. My intuition told me something wasnt quite right and then I kept catching him out lying. I then googled his nickname and found him on numerous dating sites and sex finding sites, some of which he had actually set up whilst living with me. I confronted him and said it was all about the porn and had never met any of them. I find this very hard to believe as many of his 'friends' were local. He too talked constantly of how serious he was with me and how he wanted to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me. We only saw each other for 10 months-during which our sex life deteriorated and to boot he always had problems with erections. I have since found him on nearly every sex site. We no longer speak and the whole experience has left me with low self esteeme, depressed, reduced confience and confusion. He always acted such a prude and I was very tactile with him as I did not want his erection problem to be made worst by me. I feel humiliated that any one could do this to me, but on the other hand I feel so relieved that I found this out now rather than make a comittment to him in marriage or children. I dont believe now that his problem was with me as some of his profiles go back over six years and i do feel this is an ongoing addiction of some description-the only person that can help him is himself. I would seriously investigate this further and after 4 months should the sex really be reduced-afterall should you still not be in your honeymoon period?
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A
female
reader, SnowyWater  +, writes (23 May 2008):
EllsworthT :
I think it is a mistake to equate porn with "images of naked women", this is erotic photography.
the problem with porn is they way it represents women and sex. you might not see it but for a woman to see herself or another womans most intimate moments distributed amongst men, is hurtful. if you are not gay then seeing men insert objects into their rectums will be painful to you as a man. it is the same for women. to know that my bf gets of on something that I find disgusting is hurtful.
NO man is getting sex from me any more because you just don't deserve it.
If more women read and educate themselves soon less and less women will want to put up with your male crap.
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A
male
reader, EllsworthT  +, writes (19 May 2008):
All guys love porn. A naked woman is the closest to God we will ever be. There is absolutely nothing else that excites, pleases, or motivates us the same way. You may disparage our primitive lust, but keep in mind, those preceding evolutionary primates who felt differently about women are all dead now with no offspring. Intellectually, it can be embarrassing for us, but it is as natural as eating, breathing, and masturbating, which we do more than you care to know. So lay off, get with the program, and quit obsessing about your boyfriend's porn stash because it has nothing to do with you.
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A
female
reader, SnowyWater +, writes (11 May 2008):
Depends what you understand under "normal". It might be not o.k. with many girls, but it seem that this is very common amongst guys. I don't think there are any guide lines to follow when dealing with this issue. You have to make up your mind on your own, if you are willing to tolerate this. To be honest I have my doubts about men in general when it comes to such issues, it seems that although it sounds sad, there aren't many guys who aren't into porn one way or another. In a way it sounds like he got a bit lazy and dropped the "try to appear perfect" thing. But if you start getting worried about not having sex for 14 days, then he might experience it as a pressure on him and further disappear into his porn world. My advice is take it easy, don't pressurize him and find things that are important to you outside of the relationship. He will probably start to miss you after a while and will want to have you to himself again. Also you have to make up your own mind how big of an issue the porn thing is to you personally, if you are not doing something against yourself. My sad experience shows that unhealthy relationships to porn are rather the norm then the exception in guys. But this is how things are: gender differences...no matter how hard you try he will still be a guy and you woman, and both of you will probably never be able to experience life from the same perspective.
All the best :)
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A
female
reader, baby duck  + ♥, writes (11 May 2008):
 (1) Addictions are never normal. Even if the object of desire is *good*, like love or exercise, the addiction is always unhealthy.
(2) You are not an idiot. Recognize, though, that some conflicts are negotiable and some are not. If he is to give up his obsession it is because he wants to do it for himself. Even if he would like to give it up for you, he cannot. He can only change himself, for himself. Therefore, if you cannot accept who he is today -- flaws and all -- wish him luck and move on.
(3) Never stay in a relationship because the other has potential. Your values must align on the big stuff. You must be flexible on the little stuff. Only you can determine what is big and little stuff for you. You don't need to tell anyone else, but you need to know yourself and be honest with yourself.
Create your peace.
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