A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my boyfriend for about 7 months. We became very close after about three months, I lost my virginity to him and he's the first guy I have actually sincerely loved. And he's different. He was the one that wanted to take everything slow physically. So everything was great. I moved four hours away, but we still continued our relationship. We have never been on the verge of breaking up and we fought, but they were always petty arguments. Eventually he got another job, so he was working 62 hours a week and he started to neglect our phone calls. When I brought it up because I was upset, he tried harder and we eventually worked it out. So it's been wonderful, until about a month ago. I noticed he didn't call as much and I didn't know if he still cared about me. He later went on a vacation to visit his brother and everything was great again. He called everyday to tell me he loved me a missed me and wanted me to come back home. That week was wonderful and I was happy again. But when he went back home he changed. He barely called. He didn't try at all and it really hurt. At this time I hadn't seen him for a month, so I went home for a couple of days and we talked. It came out that he didn't love me anymore. Basically, he didn't have those feelings then. He has always been peculiar about love. Mostly he doesn't want to have to feel compelled to tell me he loves me back, but he will call randomly just to tell me he loves me. Anyway, after he said he didn't love me anymore, I was ready to leave. But he said he still cared for me and that he thought caring and love were on the same page. He asked if I wanted to work it out and he said he wanted to work everything out. He asked me the reasons why I was unhappy and wrote them down and tried to work with me to fix the problems. Some of the reasons he mentioned about not having the same feelings for me stemmed from an unresolved argument when I was with him a month before and also not seeing him for so long. I also think I was putting unneeded stress on the relationship by taking the whole situation too seriously. I also understand that he doesn't take stress well and working two jobs while trying to maintain a relationship with me has been difficult. But he realized that he had stopped trying, but even though he didn't know why, I think it's a good sign. Lately it has been better. Our phone calls have been pretty frequent, every other day instead of every four days when he was not trying. Also they have been more fun and longer. We are just trying to get back to when the relationship was fun and carefree and not so serious that we argued all the time. But sometimes after I get off the phone with him I'm still sad, When I talk to other people they think that he still loves me. He obviously still cares about me, but he's been too stressed and deep down he still loves me? I don't know. I just miss him and I want him to love me again. I'm about to go home for a month for winter break and I hope during that time we can salvage what we had before. I just need advice and perhaps confidence that we can be happy again? Based on what you've read, what do you think?Also, sorry it's so long. [Mod note: this seems to be the poster's suggested title] My boyfriend said he doesn't love me anymore, but he still cares about me and wants to work everything out. Advice to salvage the relationship and be happy together again?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2009): Wait and see how things go over winter break. Either way, it's kind of hard to be with a guy who says he doesn't love you anymore. Caring about you and actually loving you are two completely different things. Don't settle for less than what you want. If he only tries when things are fun and carefree, that might be a bad sign.
A
female
reader, projectwatever +, writes (5 December 2009):
anonymous is wrong-that is probably a woman who wrote that, no if a man does that it means that he does care about you but men are like baby's and they need their mom to baby them meaning them being there for thlem all the time and making things easier in their lives and if he didn't care he wouldn't spend that much time on the phone with you and if he didn't love you he wouldn't bother with trying, i have experience the kind of love that only comes once in a lifetime and i know what i'm saying trust me. Eh says he doens't love you but he does, it's just that some men have alot of pride and sometimes it get confusing because you want the easy way out, he doesnt'w ant to deal with losing you or keeping you and that's what gets him so dont let him let you go because it seems to me that there is hope.Also i believe that when men don't want to be with somoen they will turn cold and blind to ur feelings and willl just walk away but if he doesn't want to walk away he wants to believe in something else and u mean soemthing to him and that's more then the special moments you spend together, he's just confused thats all but work for it okay don't over push it when u love osmeoen onlyy give them 10% a day so that you will have somethign left tomorrow okay never the whole thing cause then they want to take advantage YOU CAN DO IT!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2009): No matter how you sugar code him and the situation its clear he is not coming back to you in that special way. men are simple as you get older you will realise its crazy how simple they are. its also very clear that he does care and is trying to maintain a friendship because your feelings are extremely noticeable and he does not want to hurt you anymore. but the bad thing is, is that you are confusing the signs he is putting out.
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