A
female
age
30-35,
*keez
writes:Hello everyone! Im having a little bit of trouble with my bf and im not to sure if this is the relationship for me anymore. The reason being is that i find him very selfish, big headed and just down right rude some of the time and it gets me down really badly. Im at Univeristy now and he moved up with me. We dont live together but he comes round my house almost every day, but acts as though my rules for my flat dont apply to him. Whenever I am at his houseshare I will clean up after myself and follow his rules but when he is here he leaves dishes and etc out so I have to clean them. Yesterday he came round and I was in the middle of watching something and he just turns it off becuase 'he doesnt want to watch it'. If he has no money I feel guilty about him not eating so I have to buy him something. Sometimes I cant afford something for both us so I go hungry becuase I dont want to eat while he has nothing. I made him some spicy beefburgers yesterday, I offered to buy the ingredients which came to about £13, which was more than i could afford at the moment but I wanted to treat him. But while making them I would make small talk with him and my flat mate and they just treated me like an idiot who didnt know anything, so I got angry and he just didnt appreciate that I had spent so much on him. He has a job right now which pays him more than average and yet he still cant afford to repay me anything back. I had to buy a 40 pound meal for Valentines day becuase in the end he couldnt afford it. I was ok with that as long as he payed the meal back, but so far hasnt. Ive asked him numerous time and he just tells me to wait after a few payments and will maybe take me out. I can understand if he has money problems but he is costing me a fortune and Im not exactly well off myself at the moment. Univeristy has been very demanding on me recently and ive been very stressed out, but Ive so far had to put my problems on hold becuase he has problems with money and I try to support him. I say to him things will get better for us but then he just goes and talks about his own worries and mine are just pushed to back again. He also lost a looot of weight over a short period which made me worry like mad but he refused to believe he had a problem. And throughout all the stress ive had with my own course and money Ive had to worry about his, so my weight has considerably dropped in the past month and i dont feel myself, im tired all the time, i cant think straight and i just dont really want to talk to anyone. This may have sounded like a complete and utter rant but I dont know if this would appear to be normal, or am I being selfish myself over the matter?I feel compltely drained. our sex life is none existent barely becuase I never get in the mood anymore.Advice please on what I should do =DThanksss
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2010): Not in the least. You ask him about his part on the money and he puts it off. He has a job now so no reason not to start contributing, to show he appreciates your efforts and that he is responsible and thin skinned. I wonder if he'd offer to contribute if you didn't remind him of this, have you not explained the situation and how it is hard for you to cover all expenses, I imagine you have books to buy for Uni and many things on the list. If you can't afford to buy food for two, then don't, stop doing that. You say you feel completely drained and tired and have had days when you don't eat because there isn't enough supply. I can't know if he doesn't care or maybe he's just never lacked a "basic" need as food, to realise it can happen. The TV incident sounds great. Only time when I wouldn't mind that perhaps is if we were 'in the mood' and he wanted to surprise me with some TLC hmm. However, it's no wonder that under all this strain your sex life is also down the drain and you feel you can't cope. Maybe you could change what you generally buy to fit your pocket. And establish with your boyfriend that it's always 50/50 and each buys his own from now on, as you have some difficulties now and are under some stress. Stick to your words, then.I hope you manage not to neglect Uni. Listen to your organism if it signals you that you need to rest and worry less and do the necessary adjustments, set up the necessary rules so this is indeed so. It doesn't sound to me you have just "a lit bit of trouble" by the way. You are on the verge of breaking under pressure. How long have you been together that he doesn't know you enough to see what's going on with you? Take care.
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