A
female
age
30-35,
*enbabe480
writes:while i was in florida, my boyfriend of 2 an 1/2 years cheated on me...i found out 3 months later, and ever since then have not been the same. I have chosen to stay with him. I know he loves me and feels awful and he just wants it to go away, but i cant seem to get it out of my mind, its all i think about. We are leaving for college soon, seperate colleges that is, and i want to trust him, and i do not think he will do it again. How do i get this out of my mind, it is really driving me crazy, and how can i be sure he wont do it again?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): I'm in the same thing as you, when you find out let me know.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2007): Honey, if you really love him give him the chance to prove that he loves you. Every one makes mistakes some maybe worse than others but you know in this time of our lives we learn from our mistakes. He deserves the chance give it to him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2007): well i have been cheated on before and i stayed with him but i dont trust him and it makes are relationship hard. so you have to find it in your self to trust him and if you cant then you shouldnt stay with him cuz its not fair to you
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007): if hes saying he wants it to go away seems to me he feels like crap over it. give him a second chance as when your away whos to say he isnt feeling the same way mabe he is feeling insicure now becouse of what he has done give him the chance to put things right u will forget in time juct try to chill for now and enjoy what u both have at the moment as when your at college whos to say u wont meet someone else give him a chance
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A
female
reader, blueeyedbelle +, writes (10 August 2007):
 First of all, I want to say that it takes a special kind of person to even try to stay with someone after something like that. I also want to say that you can forgive, but you'll NEVER forget it. Now, I'm not saying he'll do it again or that it isn't worth a try. Only time can heal you and your relationship. Since you're going away to seperate colleges, I might suggest keeping him on a tight leash so to speak. Check in on him, drop by unannouced, see if he'll give you his passwords to things like his e-mail. That might sound a bit over the top, but if he swears he won't do it again, then he shouldn't have any problem with this. You'll know if he starts to act suspcious or gets angry and such. After awhile, if things go well, you should get to feeling better about things. At some point you may have to choose-either you'll have to trust hjim or you never will. good luck!
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A
male
reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (10 August 2007):
You both will be going off to two different colleges,right. Well, He isn't going to remain faithful to your relationship, as he has already shown in his past sexual affair, that is quite plain to see. So why not the both of you agree to dating others while you're apart. And then see how the relationship works out later on down the road.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (10 August 2007):
 You can never guarantee he wont do it again, only he knows that, but i think the way forward here might be talking to him & him answering any questions you have. I know he says he wants to forget it but you might need to know everything. Because you're still frustrated & carrying anger around. Its not forgotten in your head & is eating away at you.
I hope it works out.
Its hard work getting the trust back & brave to give it a go.
C xxxxxx
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A
female
reader, egy_flower  +, writes (10 August 2007):
well, trust is the main base for any relationship. And forgiveness is a quality that is there in every lover. If u can't forgive him n get it out of ur mind and trust him again, leave him..
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007): Been through something similar myself, except it didn't really work out. My only advice is that, to be honest, you can never REALLY know for sure whether he'll do it again. You need to look really deeply into your heart and figure out what really matters to you. Do you love him enough to be able to live with this 'not knowing'? Trust is such an important thing in a relationship, and it may be that, however difficult it is to face, he's done something that makes it impossible to rebuild that trust. Particularly going to separate colleges. Going away to college will completely change both of your lives. Bear in mind that he'll be meeting a whole lot of new people, and will be faced with a whole lot of new temptations. But remember that so will you! If you decide that the trust cannot be rebuilt, it's good to know that you'll be entering a completely new environment where you can meet lots of cool people. And who knows?! Maybe you'll meet Mister right and trustworthy!But I know that this is a really difficult decision, and my heart goes out to you. Look deep and you'll know what to do!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007): Been through something similar myself, except it didn't really work out. My only advice is that, to be honest, you can never REALLY know for sure whether he'll do it again. You need to look really deeply into your heart and figure out what really matters to you. Do you love him enough to be able to live with this 'not knowing'? Trust is such an important thing in a relationship, and it may be that, however difficult it is to face, he's done something that makes it impossible to rebuild that trust. Particularly going to separate colleges. Going away to college will completely change both of your lives. Bear in mind that he'll be meeting a whole lot of new people, and will be faced with a whole lot of new temptations. But remember that so will you! If you decide that the trust cannot be rebuilt, it's good to know that you'll be entering a completely new environment where you can meet lots of cool people. And who knows?! Maybe you'll meet Mister right and trustworthy!But I know that this is a really difficult decision, and my heart goes out to you. Look deep and you'll know what to do!
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A
male
reader, Karlos Omnis +, writes (10 August 2007):
 With such a major betrayal of your faith, its impossible to tell how long a wound will take to heal. it may never heal, once you've lost your trust in somebody its damn near impossible to get it back.Heard the phrase "once a cheater, always a cheater"?, chances are with you far away and with him not being able to be caught in the act, i'd say its a safe bet that he will do it again.In my opinion you can't truly love someone if you're willing to inflict that type of pain on them.My advice would be to ditch him and you never know, you might find someone much better in college, after all there's lots of new faces you'll see.You're too young to trapped with someone who exhibits behaviour like that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007): I think you should stop focusing on whether he'll do it again and put more focus in the fact that he did it even once. I mean look at all the agony its caused you?I've been cheated on before and that is just a blow that I personally cannot forgive. Because it hurts. Cheat on me once. That's it. I'm done. It's really not as hard as you might think. Be a little more proud. That's something you should NEVER accept. And in my experience, as much as it hurts, the only way to get it out of your mind entirely is by breaking up and moving on. Your going to meet tons of guys in college anyway. BE STRONG. Don't settle. And in the long run you are going to feel so proud of your self for being so strong. And he'll respect you more too.
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