A
male
age
41-50,
*donkey
writes:My boyfriend and I haven't had sex for over a year and a half, I love him but can't take all the frustration anymore. He won't talk about it and we just end up fighting. Any help or advice? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, cassienjarrett  +, writes (5 January 2013):
Honey, I feel for you. I haven't had sex with my boyfriend since June of 2011. We are still together because I cannot help but be in love with him. Other than us not having sex, our relationship is normal.. I am depressed that he doesn't want to have sex with me but he says that it is because he tore his pec and can barely put weight on his chest.. Honestly though, it feels like it is just one excuse after another.
Anyways, my advice to you is to write him a not like I did and lay it all out there for him. Tell him it makes you feel unwanted and that is not what a relationship is about. Tell him how much you love him and that the only reason you are upset about the lack of intamacy is because it is one of the only times you can express how much you love him and to be close to him. Maybe after he sees how much it hurts you and how much you need to show him you love him, he will be more inclined to be intimate and show you just how much he loves and adores you, also :)
Hang in there sweetheart, you arent alone.. My boyfriend wont even undress in front of me anymore. Almost as if I have an infectious disease... :'(
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2007): i havent had sex in a year - but i'm single!
you dont say why you havent, going to take a stab in the dark here - maybe yor not attracted to eachother anymore!
everyone "knows" (although people pretend they dont) that all relationships peak at some point. only people dont belive in just parting ways when the romance and passion fades (because the love may still be there) and kid themselves by saying it's a "new stage" in their relationship - (one that neither person is particualy happy with!)
to speand over a year together without having sex i can only assume that you have been a couple for a long time, and you must love each other - but that doesnt mean you ahev to be together - i love many people, that is the relationship i have with them - i dont have sex with them, i might have done at some time!
dont wait for all your fustration to build up piss you off then break up in a hugh row that means you never speak again.
- this probably should have happened a year ago, forget whatever bulls**t there may be, remember how good your time "was" and for god sake relise that that stage of your life it over, and move to the next.
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A
reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (24 July 2007):
 Yes, I do think you are currently having the right kind of mindset. If things do work out, then great, if not, then theres nothing more you can do. Leaving the country for work seems to be an ideal situation to create less tension. I wish you all the best!
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A
male
reader, edonkey +, writes (23 July 2007):
edonkey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell it's been a while and I'm now back to looking at moving. I have a new job in a different county this seems to be the perfect excuse to get out. Apart from the night I mentioned we went back to business as usual. I'm use some distance so that we can talk properly. If then it doesn't work, then we're already separated. Thanks for you advice. Chris.
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A
reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (9 June 2007):
Good to know you've made progress with him. As you already realised, lack of sex is always just a front in relationships, there usually is a deeper issue at hand which needs a little bit of digging. Whatever it is, take baby steps, dont rush the progress although I know you want things back the way they were as soon as possible. Better to heal from within which takes time, than to heal form the surface. Good luck with it all.
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A
male
reader, edonkey +, writes (8 June 2007):
edonkey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for the advice. We've had a talk and some issues came up about security He's a nester where I'm a slob so the key to his heart lies in pushing the hoover round a bit more often. I think my care free attitude unsettles him, he has a big job and gets stressed from that.I chose the easy route have an ok job but I've had a few. So we've agreed rather trying to match him and get firmly into management I'm to stay where I am now for a few years and bring some consistency. On a personl front we moved forward last night ;)I just hope If I put in more effort we'll get back to how we were. Just scared that it'll be another 6 months and back to square one cos i'll get angry. At least he talked about it and actions speak louder than words at the moment! Cheers for your advice.
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A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (8 June 2007):
 Communication is key here. He needs to be able to discuss with you what is the matter and vice versa. Without this line of communication the relationship will end up where you both resent each other and i am sure none of you want that.
If he truly loves you than he has to be understanding in all of this and be realistic to where this will end up if it continues. If you have really tried all that you can than I would agree with the previous post of a short term break from one another to re-evaluate things in your own space.
How is the communication apart from this? Does he open up to easily?
I previously was in a relationship where communication was an issue, but it was her who was unwilling to open up about herself and let down the walls which she hid behind. Maybe a short break from each other would help, but if communication is a constant issue then this break may not resolve all the problems.
R
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A
reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (8 June 2007):
If the relationship comes to a complete halt even after you've tried pushing it over and over again in the same direction, you have to look at other alternatives, which is to either push in a different direction, or start pulling. Sometimes having a temporary break isn't a bad idea. You both should have some time apart to reflect on what each of you really want out of the relationship. If there is no communication (seeming he is reluctant to talk about issues), then there will be no reconciliation, if there is no reconciliation, then the relationship will never move forward. Try taking a step back to see where things are heading. If the both of you really love each other, then the temporary parting should not be an issue. The time apart will do more good than damage. In fact, it will allow the both of you a chance to miss each others absence, and once that is felt, he'll probably learn to appreciate the importance of communication if he wants a relationship. What is there to lose, its not like you're having the time of your life in the relationship now anyway.
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