A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend teases me about everything. No matter what the case may be he's always joking around. He thinks its funny to put me down or embarrasses me in front of other people. He always tell me that I'm either too sensitive or too serious and I dont't know how to take a joke.Don't let me try to be vulnerable with him because he would us it against me. For example I told him about me possible losing my job and I was really worried about the outcome of me being without a job. Well I end up keeping my job and then here he go mocking me with this imitation of him crying as if it were a joke and my feelings end up being hurt. I didn't tell him my feelings were hurt because I knew that he would just tease me even more. I usually don't tell him about how much he hurts me with his constant joking around. His reason for teasing and joking is because he loves me and he's just having fun or he's trying to make me a stronger person but I thought if you love someone you don't hurt them.I dont't know I just need another opinion or some advice on how to handle this situation.
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female
reader, mom1 +, writes (23 September 2014):
Leave him. He won' t change and marriage will make him let his guard down more and the teasing will be more frequent. Find someone who meets your emotional needs and relates in a wayyou find satisfying
A
female
reader, mirasol +, writes (30 March 2012):
Your boyfriend has a narcissitic personality disorder. Research this borderline personality disorder on the on the web or locate a DSM IV in your local library. Run to the nearest relationship exit and don't look back. The longer you stay with him the more expensive your therapy bills will be that you will not doubt need to undo all the emotional bruising that he will inflict on you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 February 2011):
 @Jmtj : I sent you an one-way ticket for Oslo- make sure you don't miss coronation day, your faithful subjects are waiting for you.
See ? This is verbal sparring, I don't mind it, you ( based from what I read in your posts ) don't mind it, - everything fine. But what if, in real life, you've got people who do not like it ?
Who feel embarassed or humiliated by what for you or me is just harmless fun ?
I don't know, maybe is a cultural thing, in my neck of the woods saying derogative things to a woman , particularly in front of other people, is not so acceptable at all , maybe it has got to do with the whole "losing face " thing, anyway, as a rule of thumb, I'd say it's safer and kinder to assume you can't play with whom does not want to play along. If the person shows embarassment or displeasure even just by non verbal language ( not laughing, not smiling, not answering back, clamming up, blushing etc.etc. ) - show tact and let them be.
I agree that if the guy has already been told to change and he won't, there's not much the OP can do. Yet I would not advise her to harden up for the sake of keeping an uncompassionate bf.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (27 February 2011):
 If him imitating you crying is abuse, then I'm the prince of Norway.
If you don't like the dynamic between you too and you've tried talking to him about this, then it may be time to leave and find someone more compatible... He should have toned his behavior down, but its unlikely the dynamic will ever change.
Maybe I'm inclined to see his side more because you only offered one example of his teasing and lets face it, if that was your "highlight" of his worst, it was pretty tame as far as some of the derogative things that some guys do/say to their girlfriends which are just god awful, deserving a mouthful of soap and a smacked bottom.
You've already talked to him, he hasn't and won't change. So either harden up, or leave and find someone better.
No judgement either way.
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A
male
reader, firstlovelastlove  +, writes (26 February 2011):
 "He thinks its funny to put me down or embarrasses me in front of other people." I agree with CaringGuy "you could have lost your job, he was laughing in your face".
This guy's a punk and you should leave him. Whatever you do, don't stoop to his level and tease him back. I wish you all the best!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (26 February 2011):
True, there are couple whose interaction is based a lot upon verbal skermishes, and it may be fun to jostle back and forth playfully- up to a point, and if both people are clearly having fun. If one of them is not, and does not give back as good as he/she takes, and is instead mortified by the jokes, then it's not fun, it's abuse.
Also, if rather than staying a private joke, these witty ( ? ) repartees always go on in front of other people, then the line between laughing with and laughing at becomes very blurry.
It may even be that the OP is a bit too sensitive and takes some things the wrong way, yet does this not change my opinion, loving somebody also means knowing how to love them, and how they want to be loved, - in this girl's case, with more sensitivity and less all-out belly-laugh fun.
His reasons are not valid, he is not your parent or spiritual guide that he has to take upon yourself to make you " stronger " and , as for him having fun, that's evident, the problem is that YOU are not having fun, so he should take that into account.
Tell him that frankly, and ask him to please tune it down. And if he does not, like CG says, you should not stay there and take this crap anymore .
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (26 February 2011):
I have to disagree with caring guy. You sound very sensitive. Teasing and joking around is the dynamic in many relationships, its fun to jostle back and forth playfully. You're just taking it all and don't seem to know how to play into the dynamic whilst he doesn't seem to know that you're not having fun.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (26 February 2011):
I think he treats you this way because he like to hurt you a bit if you want the truth. The problem is, like a lot of young women, you seem to take far too much crap treatment. A guy who mocks you when you are hurting isn't a guy you should be with.
Face facts - when you could have lost your job, he was laughing in your face.
You are right - when you love someone that much, you don't do what your boyfriend is doing.
I'm afraid your boyfriend has deluded ideas about how to handle women. And you're adding to that problem in a sense, because you're allowing it. I wouldn't be with a person who treated me this way, and you shouldn't either.
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